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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Friday, April 30, 2004
dannyboy 3:52 PM (0)



Uhm. The new Beastie Boys video kind of sucks. WTF?

Thursday, April 29, 2004
dannyboy 10:08 AM (0)




Great seats...

...terrible game.


Wednesday, April 28, 2004
dannyboy 3:59 PM (0)



Last night I dreamed I was trying to light someone on fire, but my zippo was out of fluid. I remember being afraid, so I can only assume that I was fighting zombies who were after my delicious braaaaaains!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004
dannyboy 9:57 AM (0)



The guy who sits next to me at work keeps peanut butter, jelly, and bread to make sandwiches. Last night I dreamed he died, and left the sandwich ingredients to me. I was happy.

Speaking of food-as-surrogate-for-emotional-needs, Ben & Jerry's annual free-cone day is today. 12-8pm. And Baskin Robins is having their free scoop night tomorrow, 6-10pm. Plan accordingly.

Monday, April 26, 2004
dannyboy 4:13 PM (0)



John Kerry Is A Douchebag But I'm Voting For Him Anyway. Dot com.

Sunday, April 25, 2004
dannyboy 8:41 PM (0)



Last night I dreamed my father opened up a can of peanut brittle and a novelty snake jumped out and into my back yard, where it was caught mid-air by a giant spider web being constructed and kept afloat by eight remote controlled blimps.

Saturday, April 24, 2004
dannyboy 12:00 AM (0)



I think my roommates may suspect me of having OCD because I constantly buy jars of olives that I never eat. There are no less than 6 jars of olives and possibly some cocktail onions in the fridge, all unopened.

I will eat some tomorrow. And possibly bake a pie. Am I being completely obvious?

Thursday, April 22, 2004
dannyboy 9:12 PM (0)



The most concise commentary I've heard on the state of television, as made by my roommate watching Will & Grace for the first time: "So... what's the plot here? He's gay?"

dannyboy 10:01 AM (0)


THINGS I WANT: A pet octopus to fetch me (8) beer(s); a working version of the most awesome car in the world, and a bottle of Triple Bock

Wednesday, April 21, 2004
dannyboy 9:58 AM (0)



KHAAAAAAAAAN!!: This morning I received a 419-spam from "Emmanuel Khan" [sic]. A better man would have been able to come up with a joke that starts "a philosopher, a genetically engineered madman, and a wealthy but terminally ill merchant from the UAE walk into a bar..."

With the punchline being: "Transcendental idealism!" huah huah huah!

Tuesday, April 20, 2004
dannyboy 10:22 AM (0)



I have a special message for all of you here.
(You'll need IE to view it.)

Monday, April 19, 2004
dannyboy 4:00 PM (0)



So today I've been tasked with watching a whole mess of music videos and banning them for inappropriate content. Ugh. Basically, to my chagrin, I am the one thinking of the children. I've been forced to remove Mya - "My Love Is Like... Wo" from rotation even though it is basically the best video ever made (4 minutes of her changing outfits). Meanwhile the banality-defining, mosquito-like buzzing of Blink-182 isn't offensive? WTF? Forget morality, we've lost our cultural compass.

Sunday, April 18, 2004
crankyuser 11:58 PM (0)




dannyboy 12:13 AM (0)



Thursday, April 15, 2004
dannyboy 1:01 AM (0)



PAPA BEAR: Muddy funster! Someone's been drinking my port!

Wednesday, April 14, 2004
dannyboy 5:43 PM (0)



FINANCE: Arrgghfppghuuuck. I popped into the bank at lunch to get some things done and teller helpfully suggests that I change over my accounts from the New York branch. I don't know why I agreed. Maybe because she promised it would only take 10 minutes. She shuffles me over to the financial advisor who explains that she can't just transfer the account over and that she'll have to close that one and open a new one. I'm barely hanging on here, as I've already been in the bank half an hour at this point and all I hear is wah-wah-wahwuh like when the adults speak in Peanuts. Also, she looks exactly EXACTLY like this girl I knew from high school that I've always wanted to see naked so I'm really only hearing every other wah-whuh she's saying, trying to figure out if maybe there's a sister I didn't know about. She chats me up and asks me what I like to do for fun, and I say "taking nude photos of people" and then she asks me if I ever go to any of the Asian Azian parties and as I mumble something about social Cul-de-sacs she says I should and lists 5 or 6 clubs or possibly off-brand perfume names, not sure. 45 minutes after that, she's gone to lunch and I have no idea what's happening to my moneys except that now I have all sorts of accounts I didn't before. And free checking. I think.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004
dannyboy 12:08 AM (0)



Arrgh. I can't stop reloading. It's a page displaying a constant stream of the most recent photo uploads to Livejournal. It's alternately kitty-porn, furries, androgynous emo kids, unicorns and chubby goth chicks. So not really SFW at any given time.
[ UPDATE: The site's being creamed, so I'm hosting a copy ]

Monday, April 12, 2004
dannyboy 9:37 AM (0)



How to eat out without suffering the indignity of waiting with the riff-raff. Unfortunately, this method isn't likely to get you anywhere outside of New York or LA (where we're all for sale, to some degree). And there just isn't anyplace in San Francisco worth the bother.

dannyboy 12:35 AM (0)


I was flipping through the channels last night when I saw the SNL skit that was a 7-minute long "cork soakers" joke. Tee hee. Sometimes things are so dumb, they're brilliant.

Sunday, April 11, 2004
dannyboy 9:59 PM (0)



SECRETS: Someone said to me today the best thing I've heard in a very long time. Something that makes me glad, that makes look forward to the rest of my life, and the world seem like a better place. Even if it's not true it still pleases me. I'm afraid I can't tell you what that is though (I'm awfully sorry about that), but ask me in a few years and I'll tell you.

Friday, April 09, 2004
dannyboy 12:32 PM (0)



IT'S FRIDAY!! BLEAARRRRRGHHHHFRRRR!!! (I'm taking the day off, and I'm happy about it. Listen to that mp3 and you will too.)

Thursday, April 08, 2004
Malb 10:46 PM (0)



Best damn news I've heard all week!! You guys sure took your sweet ass time.

Wednesday, April 07, 2004
dannyboy 8:32 PM (0)



To the gentleman who responded to my 'bridge jumper post':

There are more than two things wrong with you. Some points.

1. I judged you on your words. (Words you can either stand by, or recant.) You judge me based on my revulsion to your words. I strongly believe in compassion dissuading people from killing themselves. You strongly believe in... not being inconvenienced. You are the prototypical schoolyard bully, and nothing fills me with more indignation than your mistaken sense of entitlement.

2. I don't have a problem judging you to be a truly despicable person based on your belief that someone should die rather than inconvenience 5 or more people. But really, you were talking about yourself, weren't you. Someone should die for having delayed you on a Friday afternoon, because you don't want to live in a society where you have to wait in traffic. In fact your day was "destroyed", not being where you wanted to be, exactly when you wanted to be.

3. But you don't actually believe that. If you did, you would have gotten out of your car, which wasn't moving, and pushed him off the bridge. Or even merely rolled down your window and yelled for him to do so. But you didn't. You don't even come close. But you would like other people to think you do.

4. In-between my colorful language are actual arguments, based in logic. In between your prodigious, yet ultimately meaningless profanity, is the defense of the weak. I use 'fuck' to modify my argument, you use 'fuck' as your argument.

5. There were not 250,000 people on the bridge. The population of San Francisco is 730,000 people. 1/3 of them were not stuck in traffic with you.

6. Pundit = a learned man, who is respected for his opinions; Contrarian = one who takes a contrary view, or who takes actions contrary to prevailing wisdom. Wannabe = you would like to be these things, but you are not. Perhaps these words don't mean what you think they mean...?

7. Not having to wait in traffic isn't actually a right that any society grants. Yet society manages to go on.

8. I think that feeling you're having right now is "embarrassment." That is good. It means you're growing as a person. Previously it was "self-righteous sense of entitlement."

9. You're not a jackass because you're uncompassionate. You're a jackass because you want people to think you're edgy. You want something important to say. You want to distinguish yourself from the sea of sameness that you're drowning in, without any real affinity or understanding for what you're clothing yourself in. It's what the kids call being a "poseur."

In conclusion: you sir, are the moron.

dannyboy 4:29 PM (0)


Things I already knew: hot monkey sex is the answer to all our problems. Learn from our simian cousins.

dannyboy 11:36 AM (0)


Pancake Mountain makes me want to have kids so I can nurture them into little hipsters-in-training: "When Pancake Mountain launched... superannuated punk kids - and their offspring - tuned in to watch [Fugazi's Ian] MacKaye perform the infectious "Vowel Movement."

Tuesday, April 06, 2004
dannyboy 2:14 PM (0)



Holy crap, I am SO healthy.

Monday, April 05, 2004
dannyboy 11:33 PM (0)




GIFTS FROM THE EAST: The Language Instinct. Everyone applaud Jennie for sending a book on my Amazon wish list without actually knowing it was on my wish list (or that there exists Amazon wish lists).

dannyboy 1:01 PM (0)


I overheard a conversation at a party this weekend, and two very white very middle class guys were talking about the man who was threatening to jump off the Bay Bridge on Friday. They both were complaining about the traffic it caused and said that the guy should have just jumped. One of them even calculated how many people were delayed and for how long, and his argument was that the total amount of time lost for every person added up to a lifetime, so whether or not the guy jumped he had already cost the commuter-body the equivalent of one life.

Now, this is a disgusting thing to say, and if we weren't in someone's home I would've told him what a retarded dick he was, and kidney punches would have definitely been in order. But more offensive than the apparent "I'd rather someone die than be inconvenienced" attitude that is en vogue with all the hip middle class white boys, is the fact that he was clearly self-conscious of this image he was projecting, and did not say so because he actually felt that way, but because he wanted all eyes on him. He had the look of someone waiting expectantly after telling a "witty" joke. And on top of that call of bullshit, is an extra heaping of vomitudinous bile, for that thought isn't even his own. No, toilet-licker, you didn't work the numbers in your car while you were delayed, and they weren't "rounded figures, but accurate nonetheless." It's the same hackneyed shock argument that gets trotted out by all the wannabe pundit-contrarians every time there's a jumper.

Want to know the real cause of traffic? Fucktards like you who insist on coming from and going to the East Bay. Dickhole.

Epilogue: The jumper didn't jump, he was "tactically removed," I drank 4 more beers after that encounter, and "vomitudinous" isn't a word.

Saturday, April 03, 2004
dannyboy 5:36 PM (0)



I was recently presented with a choice. Someone I don't know well asked me for help. I have no meaningful connection to this person. The assistance requires a moderate amount of effort on my part, but consisting entirely of time—approx. 35 min. I gain absolutely no benefit from this exchange (the final product consisting of an e-mail), but the person who asked will get information not available anywhere else, and possibly gain a professional advantage.

I write the e-mail. I even do a bit of research and attach an article that the supplicant was unable to find themselves.

E-mail's done, and I sit in front of my computer with questions of light and dark-side affinities floating in my mind, and Ayn Rand's disembodied head circling like a buzzard, wailing that I'm not being selfish enough. Ultimately I hit send, and the universe rejoices.

5 days later. No response, no acknowledgement or thank you. So in conclusion, I wasn't born a jerk.

Friday, April 02, 2004
dannyboy 11:56 PM (0)



Speaking of n-sters, I've been playing with Breedster. Ignore that about page; it's really a mix between Friendster and Sim Ant, which is neat, but on the other hand it's full of the Dutch. I'd invite you to join, but I need to spawn some eggs first, and before that can happen, I need find a non-relative to sex. Ta-ta.

Thursday, April 01, 2004
dannyboy 9:00 PM (0)



Blah-ster. Exactly.

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