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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Monday, June 30, 2003
dannyboy 12:30 PM (0)



Seattle Post-Intelligencer? HA. Seattle sucks.

moxy 12:23 PM (0)


"She needs to go get a Fulbright, and a flat in Sydney." If she does, you won't be the only one that will want to go visit her! *plot plot plot* Can we maybe entice her with the promise of having cute koala bears in her backyard or something?

moxy 12:21 PM (0)


It's official: Chinese is more difficult than English. A group of researchers in England have discovered that more brain power is needed for Mandarin than English. I personally like the Seattle Post-Intelligencer's byline: Chinese more 'brainy' than English.; the Guardian also has a write up. Hah! Nothing like being able to converse with 1+ billion people.

dannyboy 11:43 AM (0)


My sister will be moving out of Philadelphia shortly, to one of the suburbs. But the real movement will be when she leaves the country for a year or two. She's not sure where, or to do what. I think this is a very good thing. I'm pushing for Australia or New Zealand, since that's where I'd like to visit. She's also thinking Peace Corps, but that, I think, is not such a good idea. She needs to go get a Fulbright, and a flat in Sydney.

dannyboy 12:35 AM (0)


At some point in the last year I began utilizing capitalization in all my blog entries and emails, where before I had been very self-consciously lower-case. This was, obviously, to impress a woman.

Also, last night I dreamed very vividly that I had invented very very good vegan bacon. Its contours were wildly rippled, much more than real bacon, so much so, that it looked like the cross-section of an oak tree. I think perhaps it was made of cheese. I'm not sure why I've been preoccupied with deli meats lately.

Sunday, June 29, 2003
dannyboy 3:05 AM (0)




Saturday, June 28, 2003
dannyboy 5:43 PM (0)



As I was opening my garage door this afternoon, a man in a mini-van honked at me and drove over. He had an Italian accent, apologized profusely for bothering me, asked me if I knew any Italian, and began to tell me that he worked in the fashion industry for Donatella Versace. I stopped him right there, and I walked back to my house. About 6 months ago, I was walking around in Potrero when a different Italian man, in a different car, stopped me with the same story about how he worked for Versace and he needed to get back to Italy immediately and he needed to get rid of these clothing samples, and of course being in a desperate situation, would give me a severe discount on anything I was interested in.

In hindsight, I should've had a little more fun with him. "What a coincidence! I work for Prada, and I've got a few pairs of used socks that I've been meaning to get rid of. Would you consider a trade?"

dannyboy 2:27 AM (0)


God, I'm a twit.

dannyboy 2:22 AM (0)


Anyone else tired of emotional connection? Of feeling like you can be something for someone? Well you can, and so can a hundred others. Or maybe not, at all. Maybe we're all desperately trying to make constellations from bits and pieces. Meaning superimposed, like orbit lines. Is she a particle or a wave? Or maybe a function, of probability.

Thursday, June 26, 2003
dannyboy 8:54 PM (0)




dannyboy 2:13 PM (0)



kutsiekuddly: so, [ GIRLFRIEND ] asked me last night "have you been going to japanese porn sites?"
dkuo: HAHA
kutsiekuddly: now I go to all types of porn sites, I don't keep track
kutsiekuddly: so I was like, yeah, I got to japanese porn.. and lots of others... why?
kutsiekuddly: I asked how she knew... she said she saw something in the addres bar... which was ACTUALLY about bands I had been looking up....
kutsiekuddly: so I admitted to my own guilt ...ahhhh
kutsiekuddly: damnit
dkuo: so what's the problem?
kutsiekuddly: then she wanted to see some porn.. but it was weird... she was looking at porn... but to analyze it
kutsiekuddly: it was creepy... not sexy
dkuo: creepy. you mean, the porn you like?
dkuo: like, German shiesse videos?
kutsiekuddly: not the porn I like, just her looking at it...
kutsiekuddly: hahahahha
dkuo: not that there's anything wrong with that
dkuo: well, maybe she'll give it up more often now that she knows you're into freaky freaky shit
kutsiekuddly: damnit, I don't like poeple shitting on each other!!
kutsiekuddly: give it up more often might be nice
dkuo: you're ok with me posting this on my website right?
kutsiekuddly: DAMNIT... not the part about the analyzation...
kutsiekuddly: take that out
kutsiekuddly: no... no..don't post it, [ GIRLFRIEND ] will beat me
dkuo: sounds to me like the two of you have a few things to discuss.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003
dannyboy 4:33 PM (0)



I dreamt that I died and came back as a houseplant. I was bored.

dannyboy 10:33 AM (0)



dkuo: Have you ever had a friend that you thought you should conceptually want to get it on with, but in real life it just... isn't?
dkuo: maybe it's that whole "friendship" thing I've been hearing so much about.
jubee36: ?
jubee36: what friendship thing?
jubee36: hearing from who?
dkuo: ha
dkuo: like, I really ought to have wanted to get into [NAME WITHHELD]'s pants when I knew her, being that she was funny and cool and had a hot ass
dkuo: but... it was weird
dkuo: I wanted to hang out with her, but not sleep with her
dkuo: I think I'm an adult now
jubee36: no way!
jubee36: an adult huh?
jubee36: that's scary
dkuo: could be a fluke

Monday, June 23, 2003
dannyboy 3:51 PM (0)




dannyboy 3:40 PM (0)


I really need a personal assistant/caddy type of person who will prevent me from doing inadvisable things in my daily life. Most people have something called good sense, for just this purpose.

Example: Coffee on an empty stomach, has invariably caused me much grief. Always. But each and every time I do this, I think it will be different for some reason.

Example 2: If you're touching up the paint on your car, and the test patch drips and generally doesn't look very good, moving onto a bigger patch is not a good idea. Repeating this once more, on an even bigger patch, is an even worse idea. Also: lint brush refills != masking tape.

Sunday, June 22, 2003
dannyboy 2:55 PM (0)




Happiness is getting around the laws of certain countries that hold grudges against certain other island nations.

dannyboy 1:54 PM (0)



Friday, June 20, 2003
dannyboy 5:51 PM (0)



How to draw cats better.

dannyboy 4:20 PM (0)


The difficulty with having a supermodel/scientist fantasy is that they don't come along very often. And when they do, their credentials are often suspect. This fella describes her appearance as not unlike a "shellacked twig," which I find to be accurate.

dannyboy 9:25 AM (0)


Ok. Maybe I'm not such a smart guy.

Thursday, June 19, 2003
dannyboy 9:02 PM (0)




dannyboy 11:05 AM (0)


Sigh... look. I'm a smart guy. I'm very good at listening, and discerning what people really mean. Why the pretense? Why tell me something that plainly isn't true?

Tuesday, June 17, 2003
dannyboy 11:59 PM (0)



Ok, there are 4 can openers in the kitchen drawer right now. That's not the point. She went through our things, picked what she liked best (including my $12 OXO can opener), and took them! All while not being able to pay us back for the last two months of utilities! Shenanigans!

dannyboy 11:53 PM (0)


New roommate moved in tonight. She seems nice. Eager to eat my brownies and the peppers I pick out of my take-out. And best of all, I don't think she will skip town OWING ME ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS AND STEAL MY CAN OPENER LIKE THE LAST ONE.

Monday, June 16, 2003
dannyboy 10:45 PM (0)




dannyboy 10:43 PM (0)


Looks like the blog will go back to being mostly photos for a while. Until I have something to say again.

dannyboy 12:51 AM (0)



dannyboy 12:23 AM (0)


Been eating indian food and brownies all weekend. God help me.

Friday, June 13, 2003
dannyboy 2:19 PM (0)



jubee36: we're bitches!
dkuo: sexy bitches
jubee36: hell yeah!
jubee36: bling bling
jubee36: ohman
jubee36: i just got white out all over myself
jubee36: no more sniffing
dkuo: !

dannyboy 11:05 AM (0)



dannyboy 11:00 AM (0)


dkuo: I think I have The SARS and/or Monkeypox.
mng168: ooo...
mng168: that's not good
mng168: did you go to a DR.?
dkuo: No, I may go soon if I'm not better this weekend.
mng168: yeah you should... lots of diseases going around... the animals are pissed and are getting revenge for all the steaks and roadkill
dkuo: Indeed.

Thursday, June 12, 2003
moxy 9:09 AM (0)



Oh goodness. Dan, I can't stop going through the Cat and Girl website. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

dannyboy 12:08 AM (0)


Happy birthday, baby. Remember what I said, and why I could never say 'no' to you. You made me lose all sense, and I loved it. (Please refer to our correspondence for documentation.)

Wednesday, June 11, 2003
dannyboy 9:40 PM (0)



Ok... so I haven't seen the man next door for a while. His green Mercedes, which is usually parked in the driveway, is gone too. And the lawn has grown to knee-height. This is getting troublesome. One of my childhood homes was a block down from the scene of several gruesome murders. Living next to death isn't as cute or ironic as the comics would suggest. Or perhaps he just left for Burning Man early.

dannyboy 5:47 PM (0)


This article, on how kids today totally suck, reminded me of when I was 11 and I would sit for an hour carefully re-typing the 5 pages of BASIC code that came in every issue of the 3-2-1 Contact magazine, so I could play whatever game of the month they were distributing. Amazing. Paper based software distribution. Funny though, that just a few years earlier when they "taught" us LOGO in school, I was totally uninterested, and well... just not very good at it. The article laments the lack of accessible, interesting programming languages that come with computers/consoles, and how all kids are interested in these days are pretty graphics and surround sound. Spoiled brats. What the article doesn't mention is the very cool LEGO Mindstorms line, which may be the saving grace of the video game generation. I can't wait to have a kid so I can force him to be smart.

dannyboy 2:11 PM (0)


Sweet everloving crap. I just got my first cell phone spam.

Tuesday, June 10, 2003
dannyboy 3:47 PM (0)



Marie and I spoke a few nights ago, for the first time in about a year. You think you understand someone and then they leave the country for a year, and then you realize perhaps you've never really known them at all. And then it dawns on you that maybe you're the one who's changed. And just as the lights get bright, you snap out of the 2nd person perspective.

Marie informs me that New York has indeed gone to poo since I've left. She got a Bloomberg ticket the other day for having headlights that are too blue. Now, one of Dannyboy's peeves is annoyingly bright headlights, but to make it an actionable offense? It's now illegal to be a jerk in New York City? Ye gods.

dannyboy 12:29 AM (0)



N 37.779461 W 122.44348

This is what my house looks from orbit. Please don't stalk me.

Monday, June 09, 2003
dannyboy 10:34 PM (0)



A man came to my door today. Shirt and tie. Financial consultant. Normal. Sane. He was looking for his friend, who had been fired from their company last week. They had made plans for the weekend which his friend missed without explanation. He was supposed to visit his father in Sacramento, and he missed that too. And he hasn't answered his phone for days. He's at my door, because he's worried that something terrible has happened to his friend, and the address the father gave him is the house next door. He rang the house, and the woman who lives there threatened him, told him to get off her property or she'd call the police. A few minutes after he's explained all this to me, two cruisers pull up, and that's when I disappear back into my house.

dannyboy 4:14 PM (0)


I distrust men with long hair.

dannyboy 12:38 PM (0)


Once again, proof that the Japanese are light-years ahead of us. Sugoi! [mefi-ed]

Sunday, June 08, 2003
dannyboy 5:45 PM (0)




dannyboy 5:43 PM (0)


Last night I dreamed I was on the most beautiful beach I had ever seen. So why did I barely remember it, and not until now?

Friday, June 06, 2003
dannyboy 4:31 PM (0)



Many of you know I enjoy lying. Here are a few good ones collected from this page:

1. The van den Groot motor company of Amsterdam has developed a pollution free car that runs on Edam cheese, clogs and pornography.

2. All ducks are left handed.

3. Yellow snow is a naturally occuring phenomenon, and is safe to eat.

4. Urine is odourless below a temperature of 8 degrees celcius. That is why Australian beer is always served chilled.

5. The internet will close for essential repairs next Tuesday.

6. English police officers are no longer called "Bobbies." They much prefer to be called "Twat Face" instead.

7. The vacuum cleaner was invented as a sex aid by a technologically advanced order of Carmelite nuns.

8. Most European countries will now accept a photocopy of your genitals as a means of identification.

9. The latin term "et cetera" actually translates as "dip me naked into a barrel of cow dung, sweet lady of the night."

10. Money is not the root of all evil. It's Bonsai plants.

11. At least two of the Pokemon are classified as sexually transmitted diseases, giving the lie to the phrase. "Gotta catch em all."

12. All Belgians are born with a third nipple.

dannyboy 2:01 PM (0)


Oh, I'm on Friendster now. 300,000 people in the three months since they launched, all by word of mouth. Please don't abuse my friendship, or I will punish you.

dannyboy 1:58 PM (0)


There has to be some kind of subversion going on there. Or else I'm going to have to start reading the People's Daily on a regular basis...

moxy 9:00 AM (0)


Ins and Outs of a Young American's Roguery on Bus in China. Onion article? Chinese propoganda? True story? You decide. I would imagine that most peeping-toms wouldn't agree to pose for photos like the ones in the report.

dannyboy 12:06 AM (0)



Thursday, June 05, 2003
dannyboy 5:32 PM (0)



I want to fly somewhere. And I want to be happy to come home. (I am still deeply upset that I will never again be met at the gate by someone I love).

Wednesday, June 04, 2003
dannyboy 8:35 PM (0)




dannyboy 11:39 AM (0)


"What?! Why does a nut need to be that big??" -Magnani

I think the real question is, why are they so awesome?

Tuesday, June 03, 2003
dannyboy 3:24 PM (0)



Lots of news to report today! Wendy and David got engaged last week! Luke is now an evil, despicable telemarketer! Jessie's other ride is your mom! And I have thicker, fuller hair than I ever thought possible!

moxy 10:27 AM (0)


"I have to change my battery once a day in order to keep my phone working, and the frequent ringing makes me feel that life is full". Fulfillment in modern China has taken the form of a "newly-emerged mental disease called 'mobile phone dependence.'" According to a Chinese psychologist, the chronic problem of having a cell-phone glued to your ear can be solved by some sessions with a psychologist. Hm. I wonder if busy New Yorkers and their omnipresent hands-free cellphone mikes would appreciate this sort of advice.

Monday, June 02, 2003
dannyboy 11:37 PM (0)




Sunday, June 01, 2003
dannyboy 6:13 PM (0)



Sex and Real Estate. The Farnsworth house is up for sale, but I much prefer the Eames house, which will never be for sale. To me the Mies house feels like a (7 million dollar) prostitute, while the Eames house is a thoughtful lover.

One of the continuing themes of the Eames' work was their attempt to make beautiful and functional design accessible to the public at large--which is apparent in their choice of materials for their furniture and house: bent plywood and prefab industrial stock. Why is it that this sort of thinking always returns to it's precise opposite, and all we ever see of it are in museums and uber-expensive design boutiques? Why is everything I care about inaccessible?

dannyboy 2:16 PM (0)


Remember how I said previously, I was no longer panicking at the beginning of every month? Well holy sweet goddamn, it's June!! God help us all.

dannyboy 2:06 PM (0)


The Matrix has you. No, really. Chances are, we're living inside a computer simulation run by our post-human descendents. Or, we're all going extinct soon. You know, either way. That is, if you believe in the anthropic principle. Here's the executive-summary version, for Eddie. Check the first link for the original paper, and several good related articles.

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