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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Sunday, September 28, 2003
dannyboy 7:13 AM (0)



I'm going to Maui! See you when I get back.

Friday, September 26, 2003
dannyboy 9:24 AM (0)



Oog. If you're planning on visiting me, please don't fly into Oakland International. At 1AM. On the bright side, my couch now smells like flavor country!

Thursday, September 25, 2003
Malb 7:23 AM (0)



guess who didn't get tickets to an awesome concert last night at central park w/ dave matthews. stupid aol jerks!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2003
dannyboy 4:41 PM (0)



My phone number has changed! You should have recieved an e-mail, but if I accidentally left you off the list and you want my number, please e-mail me.

dannyboy 4:41 PM (0)


"every man looks at me as if I were a head of dicks"

dannyboy 2:20 PM (0)


The Unsexy List--"Fifty genital-retracting people, places and things." Agree. Circle takes the square! Ironically, from a website that forgot to put itself on the list.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Malb 8:40 AM (0)



Johnny Depp: "Are you a Mexi-can or a Mexi-can't." I love watching this garbage.

Sunday, September 21, 2003
dannyboy 2:15 AM (0)



Apologies for all the work-related posts. I'm one of those guys that won't accept "I am not defined by what I do" because I want to be doing something I love. And what I do now, I don't love. I think I'm going to put off purchasing a new car, because that would be 15 months worth of rent for something I don't need. Even as a tiny voice inside me says "you live in California, you need a convertible."

Friday, September 19, 2003
dannyboy 10:42 AM (0)



Any manager you meet that asks you for a "can-do" attitude were the kind of kids on the playground that crouched down to the ground and held their hands over their ears while screaming "I can't hear you!" whenever something didn't go their way.

dannyboy 10:28 AM (0)


Ok. I'm not a business whiz, and I don't have a MBA. But shit. If your company is running in such a way that its schedule depends on nothing going wrong ever, and you only accepts answers you want to hear, uhm.... right. Wait, there's more. If you're PROUD of the fact that your employees work very late and on the weekends just to meet deadlines, there's something seriously wrong with your management plan. Oh, not turning a profit either? Gee, I wonder why there's such a high employee turnover rate. Fucktards.

dannyboy 9:56 AM (0)


Sure I do.

I'm surprised about the sweet peppers, because... well, I think I know everything, especially about myself. It's nice to discover that you suddenly like something. I still loathe dull peppers (i.e., big old ugly bell peppers). The only other time I've discovered something like this was years ago when I tried mushrooms for the first time after an entire childhood of avoiding them.

Incidentally, I like okra. And I hate squash, of any kind. FUCK YOU SQUASH!

moxy 9:04 AM (0)


You were in my dreams the other night, Dan. We went shopping for baby carrots in a supermarket but we couldn't find any. Do you even like baby carrots?

Thursday, September 18, 2003
dannyboy 9:42 PM (0)



Great caesar's ghost! I like sweet peppers. Quick, what else should I try?

dannyboy 9:41 PM (0)



Fireworks in front of my house

dannyboy 5:39 PM (0)


Dear Management: They're not vacation days if I have to make up the time I take off on the weekends. By the way, how was your 2 week vacation? Also, you can go to hell. I don't know why I bother masking my misery. It's your fault. P.S.: I will now be actively looking for a new job.

dannyboy 10:04 AM (0)


How to fly without showing ID. Your papers, please.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003
dannyboy 5:17 PM (0)



I don't know why I find the idea of pudding to be so utterly hilarious. (Perhaps it's one of those unanswerable questions, like "why is the sky blue," or "what is the square root of a million?" No one will ever know.) One of the things we never got around to doing in college was attending the final crit of the semester with a crystal punch bowl full of pudding, and encouraging everyone to take a swig. And hurling ladle-fuls at those who declined. All the while talking like pirates. It was a simple plan.

dannyboy 4:54 PM (0)


Before I go to work each morning I take a series of clinically-proven extra-strength tranquilizers to dampen my senses enough for me to get through the day without erupting in a Turret-like cacophony of swear words and promises of physical violence. Ok, that's not really true. I've got a couple of years before I start carrying airplane-sized bottles of liquor in my man-purse. The truth is, all day long, I'm in a fluorescent 70 degree HVAC stupor, and thus need no help in being outwardly dead, just as my soul inside me is dead. Hey, but the pay's decent, and there's ample parking. So my point is, I'm not as quick as I am otherwise, and there's a certain person at my workplace that has made it her habit to answer questions that are addressed to me. Now this is not to say I've become a drooling ninny, but she's quick. She's the girl you sat next to in your math class whose hand shot up before teach even looked back up and you and the whole class wanted to scream "please pose that in the form of a question, you coked-up whore!"

So in order to reassert my dominance I've marked off my territory the only way I know how: with pudding.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Malb 9:05 AM (0)



Billy Corgan, you suck! ~And though Corgan said in March that he "love[s] the romance and safety of a band," when asked this if he would be starting a new group, Corgan responded, "I'm thirty-six, I'm ready for a solo career."~

Monday, September 15, 2003
dannyboy 1:32 PM (0)




Malb 11:50 AM (0)


dude, you're moody today!

dannyboy 11:16 AM (0)



dannyboy 10:27 AM (0)


Today's fluff posts are brought to you by The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

dannyboy 10:26 AM (0)


This may very well be the only useful piece of flash ever made: font browser. Use it to display all the fonts installed on your system--for those of you lacking ATM Deluxe, or on the Mac side, until 10.3 and the release of Apple's Font Browser.

dannyboy 8:30 AM (0)


In other news, I just got yelled at by a crossing guard.

dannyboy 8:30 AM (0)


It'd be nice to feel wanted, that's all.

Malb 7:24 AM (0)


Okay! Are you gay?

Sunday, September 14, 2003
dannyboy 2:23 AM (0)



Why doesn't anyone ever ask if I'm gay?

Thursday, September 11, 2003
dannyboy 3:59 PM (0)



HAHAHA. Snapple bought NYC for $166 million! Reason #495 that I'm glad I'm no longer around to see the pain the Bloomberg hath wrought.

Wednesday, September 10, 2003
moxy 4:52 PM (0)



As long as you know who you are...

... or do you? *dramatic pause.

Tuesday, September 09, 2003
dannyboy 4:06 PM (0)



Ok. Uh. Blogger seems to be having an identity crisis. It doesn't know who I think I am. Just a minute.

Monday, September 08, 2003
dannyboy 11:57 AM (0)



The dreams I had last night were the kind that my subconscious really ought to be congratulated for. I was a rockstar, there was a huge party going on in my dressing room, naked women & coke everywhere (I guess the 80's really are back). It got really crazy, tons of hangers-on everywhere, and at one point I actually said, "OK! Unless you're famous or extremely hot, get out!!"

I'm really not looking forward to ironically appreciating the 90's...

Saturday, September 06, 2003
dannyboy 9:11 PM (0)



OOH! I'm so mad. I've been looking to buy a car. And since this isn't 1997, my company hasn't had an IPO yet, so I'm looking at used cars. I was ready to close on a car last week, and then I find out last minute the guy was trying to pass off leatherette as leather. The resale price drops about $1k based on that, but he's not willing to go lower. I saw his ad again, reposted with $200 off the price, but still claiming the car has leather. Today I went to test drive another car, and I explicitly asked the guy if there were any problems with the car at all, however minor. He said "no." I drive 45 min. to see it. No, no problems. Unless you consider that the instrument panel sometimes doesn't work, to be a problem.

Look. Here I am, trying to GIVE you thousands of dollars, and all you have to do is tell me upfront the CONDITION OF THE OBJECT I'M ATTEMPTING TO PURCHASE.

Thursday, September 04, 2003
dannyboy 2:07 PM (0)



Ok. That last post made up my mind for me. I'm going to Maui.

dannyboy 1:49 PM (0)


How's this for a memento mori: the dead letter office--"The premise is simple: You are now dead. You just died. You don't know how it happened, you don't know what happens now. The only thing you know for certain is that your life is over... This is your opportunity to write one letter to the world."

I've been thinking about death a lot lately. I've always panicked at the thought of growing older, because I felt like I was losing time, and not doing all the things I've wanted to do. And recently, every time I get in my car, or get on a plane, I think about what would happen if we crashed and I died. And this whole idea of a noble death--what is this? I mean, there are undeniably better ways to go than others (say, cocaine overdose in your dressing room vs. unknowingly mixing chlorine and ammonia while trying to get that difficult spooge stain off of your grandma's vinyl covered couch). I always hear of greatly respected men dying in very mundane ways, and I can picture all of them at the end, whimpering, helpless against the inevitable.

I of course, plan to blast-off this mortal coil in a spectacular blaze of glory, and I'm taking as many of you with me as I can.

Tuesday, September 02, 2003
Fundamental Particle 3:13 PM (0)



Consume, puny humans, CONSUME! Muahahaha!

dannyboy 2:59 PM (0)


Sometimes it's nice to step back and take a look at the bigger picture, as disquieting as current theories may be. I don't like thinking that the universe will die a cold lonely death--as it reminds me that most of us will too, and much much sooner. It used to humble me knowing that our universe, which is already at a size that is unfathomable, is only one of a possibly infinite amount of universes. I say "used to" because I now realize that 99.99% of those universes are boring (in both the physical and conventional sense) and their existence is uninteresting to me. It's like walking on the beach and thinking about each grain of sand underfoot. What's the point, if they're all the same?

So what's left? When I read articles like that... or well, when I read the books & papers that skimpy articles like that allude to, well, I think it's possible to have too much perspective. I mean, if I really thought about the nature of our existence, and of all the bigger things that are happening, then getting my work done so that some casino in Las Vegas can make more money off of sucker tourists doesn't seem so important, does it? If everyone started looking up from what they were doing, our whole economy would collapse, and then I wouldn't be able to buy that Audi.

All I have to say is, God bless television, and its warm anesthetizing glow.

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