/ Main

As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Thursday, July 31, 2003
dannyboy 8:15 PM (0)



Oh dear lord someone put a bottle of cab in the fridge

Wednesday, July 30, 2003
dannyboy 2:13 PM (0)




The above graph describes available housing in the Bay area since 2001. Conclusion: my friends should move to SF immediately. Related fun fact: The population of San Francisco dropped 11,000 from July 2001 to July 2002. Although rental inventory has gone up, the buying market is still obnoxiously stupid, i.e., I'm never going to own a house here. Jerks.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003
dannyboy 11:30 PM (0)



I'm not sure why I thought of this tonight, but I suddenly remembered the first time I was hit on by a girl. I was 16, standing in the rain at a payphone on Broadway and 49th St., waiting for a call back. (From Marie, who never did.) She said I was the most beautiful person she had ever seen, and asked me out to a movie that night. I was scared. The first time I was ever hit on by anyone happened a few years earlier, when I was 10, in a corner store near Herald Square, by the man behind the counter. I was amused. The first time I ever remember making a move on a girl was when I was 12, in the movies, and she was 3 years older than me, which was huge at the time, so I didn't know if that was ok or not. I bumped into her again a few years later, on the Staten Island Ferry, and she asked me if I remembered her. I said yes, and continued talking with my friends. I did this terrible thing only because I was desperate to be nonchalant. In high school I had a lot of defenses, which made me seem alternately mean, confident, and terribly terribly bored--when in reality I was just scared. Today I remember that girl's name, and why I liked her. And the raised eyebrow that my snubbing had elicited from my friends, which even at the time didn't seem worth it. I want to be 10 again, amused, and have the run of 34th street.

dannyboy 11:11 PM (0)


I discovered tonight that the flakey roommate took my martini glasses when she left (in addition to the unpaid bills, stolen bike, and lots of other little things taken from the house). Now, I know you may think I'm an angry drunk, but I suggest that you've not seen me when I'm sober and don't want to be.

dannyboy 1:27 PM (0)


Another anticipated benefit of dating my future supermodel/scientist girlfriend: having access to LN2 will broaden my cooking horizons.

Monday, July 28, 2003
dannyboy 12:49 PM (0)



Tonight, I'm going to cut up my books and throw them on the walls.

Saturday, July 26, 2003
dannyboy 12:49 PM (0)



Last night I dreamed my father died. In the funeral procession, we walked through thick woods and I pulled his body behind me in a coffin-sized piece of rolling luggage.

Friday, July 25, 2003
dannyboy 11:33 AM (0)



Breeding poetry. "The goal of this project is to see if non-negotiated collaboration can evolve interesting poetry using (un)natural selection."

Thursday, July 24, 2003
dannyboy 10:00 AM (0)



Somtimes it's really easy to interpret your dreams, and this is the worst.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003
dannyboy 12:55 PM (0)



I received this in the mail today, from M.:
"The company I signed with is going down for credit fraud. The broker is now trying to start her own firm. Looks like I won't be making some money soon. Damn."

This is the funniest thing I've seen all month. This is not because I find her misfortune funny--I do not. But this was not at all surprising, in the least. Because she leads that kind of life. With big plans and ideas. And equally decisive resolutions. Which is to say, one day she'll find something that works and be wildly successful, but it's equally possible that the next day she'll be abducted by aliens. Or her house will blow up. Her life is Shakespearean, so it's okay if I laugh--because if her tragedies are severe, they're still just farce, and her joys are equally dramatic.

dannyboy 11:19 AM (0)


And Jennie, it's not so much what an individual shoe can tell you, it's the effect of an entire collection taken together. It's very easy to be simplistic and say, "oh she wears Birkenstocks and so therefore she probably has 5 years worth of unshaven hair on her body"; but what if she also owns a pair of Gucci mules? It's as much art as it is science.

dannyboy 10:58 AM (0)


This proves everything I need to know about life I already learned in the 3rd grade: all I need to do to get people interested is talk about my penis(es).

Malb 6:51 AM (0)


Woh, talk about a weird...gives new meaning to the word cockfight.

Tuesday, July 22, 2003
dannyboy 11:43 PM (0)



I may need to consider the subject some more before I say anything about women's shoes. Besides, I'm not sure the world is ready for the kind of science I'd be dropping. But the truth is I can immediately tell how I feel about a woman by what kind of shoes she owns, right down to the future progression of our relationship.

It's like tea leaves, only accurate.

Here are the shoes I own: fuzzy grey sneakers, 8 year old pair of Adidas Superstars, wine red Prada knockoffs, brown leather "sport fusion" pieces of poodoo, one pair dress shoes, one pair casual dress shoes, and 4 pairs trail running sneakers.

I think this tells you all you'd ever really need to know about me.

rurouni 7:56 PM (0)


Wow, I was confused. I thought you wrote that you had seven pennies. Oh well, I'd imagine one of the first things you'd need to do is get a new pair of boxers...it's gotta be uncomfortable with all that crowding.

moxy 5:30 PM (0)


Are you going to give us a primer on ladies' shoes, Dan? Come on, psycho-analyze some pointy-toed heels, flip-flops, dyke boots, penny loafers, pumps, wooden clogs, etc. for us! I think that it would be very helpful (and humorous.)

dannyboy 5:21 PM (0)


Last night I dreamt that I had seven penises. I didn't know what to do... first.

dannyboy 3:52 PM (0)


A woman's shoes will tell you all you need to know about her.

Monday, July 21, 2003
dannyboy 6:00 PM (0)



Tip for the day: If you're asking for comments, don't ask me to be nice. Because then it's obvious you're only interested in praise. I can be honest, I can be constructive, and I can be fair. I'm not going to tell you you're good if you're not. And chances are, you're not. I may sound like a dick, but here's the real lesson--there's nothing wrong with mediocrity. Someone has to be average. Well, more precisely, MOST people have to be average. You know, maths, curves, etc. Know your strengths, and develop the rest. Learn from the Elephant man: he was a hideous freak of nature but he was also a supreme gentleman so everyone adored him. Also, he covered up his horrible visage with an opaque veil. SO LISTEN TO ME: You are not a good designer because you picked up Flash For Dummies and can tack on an awful ambient loop to every godforsaken spinning type movie you make. And for the love of Belgium, don't set your movies to scale!!

dannyboy 2:27 PM (0)


Anything can happen. And it usually does. (Thousands of people have uttered this and claimed it for themselves, but unlike all those other wankers I will attribute that quote: Douglas Adams)

dannyboy 12:56 AM (0)


Photos of last Wednesday's flash mob event are here. Wish I could've been there.

Saturday, July 19, 2003
dannyboy 1:26 PM (0)



"Freedom, privileges, options must constantly be exercised, even at the risk of inconvenience. Otherwise they fall into desuetude and become unfashionable, unorthodox -- finally irregulationary. Sometimes the person who insists upon his prerogatives seems shrill and contentious -- but actually he performs a service for all. Freedom naturally should never become license; but regulation should never become restriction." Vance, Emphyrio

Friday, July 18, 2003
dannyboy 12:12 PM (0)



"PS: I only recently realized that fuzzysquid is an anatomical metaphor. eew." -B.Yeung

It only is in the minds of those who wish it to be so. I run a family-oriented website here, buddy (recent posts about anal sex notwithstanding). When I give out my business card, there are those who just nod, and then those who give me a wink and a nudge, and then those who make some wildly inappropriate comments. I've gotten some very good... contacts... from that last group. Anyway, the site is named so because I actually do have a fuzzy squid. You know, I can hear you giggling--seriously guys, grow up.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003
dannyboy 5:59 PM (0)



I will never forgive Superman for subjecting me to the creepy commercial wherein he gets up from a chair... and staggers off in search of braaaaaains!

dannyboy 5:30 PM (0)


On discussing this photo of Christopher Reeve: "Seriously, don't ever let me ride a horse, no matter how much I want to. In fact, don't ever let me leave the house." -JM
[ Warning: Link Not Safe For Emotional Wellbeing ]

moxy 7:07 AM (0)


"A couple is a conspiracy in search of a crime. Sex is often the closest they can get."

Tuesday, July 15, 2003
dannyboy 11:27 PM (0)




Inky The Squid 3:52 PM (0)


"Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible." Frank Moore Colby

dannyboy 1:38 PM (0)


It always comes down to whether I'd rather be safe and bored or engaged but stressed. You all know by now which I prefer, but maybe what I need to keep in mind for the future is something I learned in Intro. to Psychology so many years ago--the experiment in which they confirmed, yes, you can die from lack of sleep. They kept a cat awake by putting it into a room filled with water, and every time it fell asleep the platform it was lying on would retract. After a week of constant harassment sores appeared all over it's body and it died.

On further reflection this seems like something I may have made up, but who is to say.

dannyboy 1:27 PM (0)


I think I fall in love with people's words very easily, much more easily than with the actual people themselves. Because unlike what we perceive of ourselves, most people are not complicated. When corresponding with someone, or reading their weblog, they're consistent. People are what they are. And then, like today, I'll read something that goes WHAM! in big cartoon letters over my head and I'm caught by surprise because I was expecting more of the same. Maybe I just really like surprises.

I'm slightly worried about this, as I see my preference for novelty trumping my desire for rationality/reliability, and potentially leading down a very manic (but never dull) path.

Monday, July 14, 2003
dannyboy 11:48 PM (0)



I know why my vison's become blurry, and it hasn't anything to do with the amount of ambient light in my office. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. We all tend to become what we hate the most. Less cryptic posts to come, promise.

dannyboy 10:02 PM (0)


I'm really starting to worry about my eyes. Maybe I will join the family for a week in Kauai. In the meantime, I may have to limit the amount of time I spend on the computer. Which is to say, avoid it unless absolutely necessary. Looks like Dannyboy may have to have a social life again...

moxy 11:01 AM (0)


Happy Bastille Day! I enjoy French bread, French champagne, and French kisses.

dannyboy 10:31 AM (0)


Saturday night we were out for Magnani's birthday, and the place we went (pictures and story about that soon...) was filled almost entirely with women. 10:1 girls to boys. There were at least 4 bachelorette parties there. And here's my complaint. The party games they play. I mean, we've all seen them before. We were approached by one woman for a condom. What's the point? Is it supposed to be embarrassing for the bride? She was too drunk to hold onto anything resembling embarrassment. Was it supposed to make us think something? Other than, she's playing that shower game. Am I supposed to use a line on her--"Yes I've got a condom, and I'm wearing it right now; care to remove it for me?"--and we'll have a meta-laugh over the irony of it (yes I'm aware irony doesn't mean what everyone thinks it means). Point #1--you should be sending your singleton girlfriends on these missions, #2--don't be so terribly disappointed when all the boys in the bar are of the type that do NOT carry prophylactics as a matter of course.

Maybe it's just me, but all-in-all I felt used. And not in the good way.

dannyboy 12:23 AM (0)


Something inexplicable is happening in San Francisco this Wednesday night. And you're invited! Unless you're a tattletale.

Sunday, July 13, 2003
dannyboy 12:25 PM (0)



(My life, that is.)

dannyboy 3:16 AM (0)


It's kind of complicated.

Friday, July 11, 2003
dannyboy 4:37 PM (0)



One day I hope to meet a woman with whom I can create a "successful relationship by becoming irretrievably embroiled in a bitter struggle to the death." Until then, I can read the website, and now, buy the book.

Inky The Squid 2:39 PM (0)


I concur. You can sign me up for some hot monkey action anytime, so long as it involves Helena Bonham Carter.

dannyboy 12:50 PM (0)


The last few nights I've been dreaming about sex--hot, dirty, animal love (the kind I'd like to have with her, as opposed to the kind you'd have with her--although I have to admit, I wouldn't mind making out with Helena Bonham Carter, even if she was a damn dirty ape). And then last night I dreamt... that I was doing a routine tire check on my car, and found an irregular wear pattern. I remember thinking, I should get my tires balanced.

Thursday, July 10, 2003
Inky The Squid 12:20 PM (0)



You always want to take anal sex as an example...

Inky The Squid 12:19 PM (0)


Kang (as Bob Dole): Abortions for all!
Crowd: Boo!
Kang: Very well. Abortions for none!
Crowd: Boo!
Kang: Hmm. Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!
Crowd: Yay!

dannyboy 11:49 AM (0)


Someone once told me: be careful of what you approve, lest it condemn you. I think it might have been Jesus. Or Santa. Anyway. But the opposite is true as well--disapproval is just as condemning. Let's take anal sex, for example. Whatever your opinion, for or against, if you voluntarily weigh in on the matter--well, that's just going to forever color my opinion of you. (Particularly if we have a professional relationship. And even more so if you're emphatic about your, uhm, position.) It doesn't really matter which, for you're either the girl who finds the thought of anything but plain vanilla sex to be icky, or you're the girl who really really likes it up the caboose. But I for one, think it's better to err on the side of fun.

dannyboy 10:27 AM (0)


My awe-inspiring wit and humor are lost on this world. Bleh! In other news, last night I rediscovered music. Or that is to say, cleaned up my iPod. I now have 500 MB left, but I rediscovered this gem in the piles of crap lining the corners of my room. No, that price isn't in Yen. Yes, I have things lying around that I don't know about.

Makes me sad - Coldplay
Makes me sad, but optimistic - John Coltrane
Makes me sad, but oddly happy too - WILCO
Gets me going - Jennifer Charles

Wednesday, July 09, 2003
dannyboy 2:27 PM (0)



I've just spent an hour listening to this collection of accents. It has been dawning on me that my accent is "US Media English," which is to say, no discernable accent at all (or more accurately, the kind you hear on network news); which is puzzling, why I didn't pick up a New York/Staten Island accent growing up. This is in no way regrettable.

Tuesday, July 08, 2003
dannyboy 12:00 PM (0)



The Space Needle is puny. A 600' non-panic inducing yawn-fest. I'm pretty sure my parents' house is more than 600 feet tall. Nevertheless, I was very tempted to throw a penny off the side. But I ultimately chickened out as I didn't want to be thrown in jail for being a terrorist (with Weapons of Tiny Destruction, as Brian would quip).

Monday, July 07, 2003
dannyboy 10:18 PM (0)




Photo by J.F.

Photo by B.Y.

dannyboy 10:15 PM (0)



dannyboy 4:21 PM (0)


Squid porn. And the snuff version. Scroll down on that second link for a picture of a (dead) Jewel Squid--a creature with active camouflage:

"The common name comes from the scattering of small iridescent spots over the undersides of the body, head and arms. These are tiny directional light organs like tiny car headlights. When the squid is hanging at a 45 angle, all the light organs aim down and produce just enough light to cancel out the silhouette of the squid against the weak light from the surface above."

dannyboy 2:51 PM (0)


The signal-to-noise ratio of my inbox has dropped to an all-time low. It would probably help if I wrote back to people, but if you're inclined, you can assist by clicking on .

dannyboy 9:52 AM (0)


Things I learned from my trip to Seattle:

1. Driving for 16 hours straight will make you hate the whole world and everything in it.

2. I am not very good at geography (California + Oregon + Washington are very big states).

3. Rural areas of the Pacific Northwest are mostly the same bucolic cow-fests as the rest of the country, with several small, but ultimately very big, differences: a) Instead of corn they grow trees b) there are just as many Volkswagens and Saabs on the road as there are pickups c) every town with at least 50 inhabitants has an espresso stand

4. In Seattle we saw a 50 year-old Asian man in a gilded (bling bling) Trans Am, ghetto-blasting Adult Contemporary music. I'm not sure what I learned from this, but I must have learned something.

dannyboy 9:20 AM (0)



dannyboy 12:37 AM (0)


It's never been better to be home. God, I love that I live here.

dannyboy 12:35 AM (0)


There are two types of asshole drivers on the road: those with their own beaters, and those with rental cars. Big grin. The car rental ran out of normal cars so they gave us a PT Cruiser. This is by no means a fast, or particularly cool, car--but it wasn't mine, which is all that matters. I don't think the rental place took into account guys like us when they worked out their rates. Or perhaps they did (extra under-25, a.k.a immature jackass fee), but we worked extra hard to make sure we got our money's worth. 1700 miles later, 3 days worth of constant redlining, bouncing up and down hills, and peeling out, I think we're pretty much even. I wanted to try some spin-outs but I was afraid the car would roll over. The best part was when I brought it back to the airport and the guy did the check-over. All he cared about was mileage, and if there were any new scratches. I asked he if wanted to see the gas receipt, and he did not.

Highway 1, and the California coast is beautiful, by the way. Pictures, promise.

Thursday, July 03, 2003
dannyboy 9:33 PM (0)



Going to Seattle! I'll see you when I get back.

Inky The Squid 11:47 AM (0)


Quite rightly.

dannyboy 11:30 AM (0)


Ok. Everything's going to be ok. I just put on Donovan - Mellow Yellow

dannyboy 11:24 AM (0)


Today I am filled with vitriol. Everything is irritating me. It's not a good day to have a very nasal-y mid-western voice and be chatting incessantly next to my desk about the wonders of maternity. Because my headphones don't go up high enough to prevent me from throwing my oatmeal at you.

Wednesday, July 02, 2003
dannyboy 9:15 PM (0)



I am a very competitive person. It comes from high school, where we were told we were the best, and nothing less was acceptable. I took to that environment quickly, and with considerable ease. But ultimately it's all in fun. I'm not ever serious about it, and I don't let it show unless I know you very well, and consider you to be my equal. And then, I'll get happy because I've got a higher IQ and credit rating. It doesn't mean I think I'm smarter, or have better financial sense. We all know tests lie, and well... you should've sold that stock when I told you to.

dannyboy 4:26 PM (0)


Invite several thousand friends over for tako nigiri.

moxy 1:48 PM (0)


What would *you* do with 13 tons of Octopus Giganteus?

dannyboy 12:24 PM (0)


I'm very good at what I do. That's why it's my chosen profession. If your job is to deal with people all day, shouldn't you try to be good at dealing with people? Why are we letting the the sick and weak of our herd keep their jobs?! Where the devil are the predators. We need to trim the pack.

On a brighter note, my time at the California DMV has been surprisingly pleasant. The employees are helpful, despite huge lines of stinky people all day, every day.

Sorry about all the dull work-related posts. And the lack of pictures. The problem with matchbook-sized cameras is that they're very easy to misplace...

dannyboy 9:43 AM (0)


My eyes have been hurting for the last three days. The left one doesn't really focus all the way anymore, so things are perpetually half-blurry. I think part of it has to do with the lighting in my office. As in, there isn't any. It's kind of like having RSI, except there really isn't a support glove I can buy for my eyeball. This is kind of distressing, as my eyes are pretty much the center of what I do, much more than my hands. Or I can get my company to turn on the lights in my department. See, everywhere else in the company, we have these huge superbright lamps mounted on the 35' ceilings (which is why normal floor lamps won't work--light doesn't reflect back down), and they're turned ON. But since we sit close to where we hold conferences and demos, they use soft light here, and generally try to keep things pretty/dim (they hide all the unsightly geeks in the back).

Right. Tell them to turn on the lights. And forever be the guy that made them turn on the lights. Goddamn fucking company.

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