Monday, March 26, 2007
dannyboy 12:20 PM
FUZZY-POLL: So I found out this weekend two more of my friends are on meds, for various social/behavioral things. Bloody hell. It feels like I'm the only one who isn't on anything, and I probably should be. Is this normal? What I mean is, in general are most of my peers on meds, or is it that my particular friends are crazy-go-nuts? Is modern city-life really that fracturing across the board, or do I just attract people who are broken? Is this an American phenomenon?
I have strong opinions about mood-altering drugs, but I don't fault anyone who chooses to take them. Maybe you should comment (anonymously if you'd like).
Friday, March 23, 2007
dannyboy 11:38 AM
Marie: Jimmy loves my belly now. He thinks it's beautiful.
me: Well of course it's beautiful; he can point to that when you guys are out and say "I did that!"
Marie: Really??? Is that what it is?
Marie: I was thinking that it's so weird that guys get all crazy about being able to impregnate a woman. What's the deal?
me: You don't understand boys at all, do you?
me: THE driving force in the male psyche is showing off; jobs, cars, women, sports, wars, etc.
me: Plus, every man wants to know his boys can swim!
me: We basically want to be able to impregnate women just by saying hello. That would be ideal.
Monday, March 19, 2007
dannyboy 10:08 AM
The other night I had a dream that I was moonlighting for one day as a salesman in a candy store. I was helping a guy who was looking for a candy version, of a North Irish version, of an American hot dog--called a "Belfast Diaper". I found a store in Austria that sold it and printed him directions from Google Maps. Then I discovered several people slipping into the stockroom, and when I followed them I saw that they had removed all the product from one of the shelves and made an opening in the wall into the school next door, where they were covertly practicing witchcraft.
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
dannyboy 2:44 PM
People who work in customer service are despicable, and I hope something terrible happens to every one of you. Like cancer. For the ones I've had the misery of dealing with personally, I wish upon you the realization of your worth as a human being, and then immortal life, so that you may never enjoy release from the heat of your self-loathing.
Xbox: The only way to win is not to play.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
dannyboy 5:37 PM
I LOVE TO HATE YELP: I had made a snooty remark about how I saw someone genuinely referring to themselves as an "Elite Yelper"--as in the following sentence, paraphrased from a review: "I had a chance to eat here with a few other elite yelpers". That sound you just heard, by the way, was me vomiting. But wait. I had just assumed that you get that badge when you cross some numeric threshold, number of reviews, number of dorkwads who favorited you, whatevs—oh no, it's even better than that. There's an application process!!!1! It was one thing when I assumed that the culture of douchebaggery was just a byproduct of the medium, but now that I know this is something that is being encouraged, née, cultivated by the company... Holy. Crap.
To steal a joke from Demetri Martin: I actually don't mind that little elite badge. It's a shortcut. It's like a sign that says "lets never hang out."
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
dannyboy 6:45 PM
dannyboy 10:28 AM
My new toy: Polaroid SX-70
Monday, March 05, 2007
dannyboy 9:14 AM
I just got the best piece of spam. The subject line is: "Would you like some anorexia with that jam?"
Friday, March 02, 2007
dannyboy 3:16 PM
OOOHH, I have a new hate for you. It annoys me when I hear people use the term "foodie" to describe people who care about what they eat, but I DESPISE it when people self-identify with that term. No fuckface, you're not a "foodie," you're just another twenty-three year old girl who moved to the big city and suddenly has access to something besides the Sizzler in the next town over, and HAS to write about every goddamn meal you've had on Yelp*. You're also the type of girl to give a restaurant a poor rating because you got a stomachache after eating some dairy, even though YOU'RE the one who's lactarded. No wait, I guess you ARE a "foodie."
Everyone who's ever used this term to describe themselves, get in line for cock/vagina punches.
*Yelp is currently one of the most useless sites on the web because 75% of the reviews start with "Dear Diary, today I had dinner at..." and end with "...and that's why my best friend and I stopped speaking to each other in the 7th grade."
Update: I'm going to go ahead and head off any hate mail at the pass and say that the above rant really isn't about people I hate, it's about the word. I hate the word "foodie." It looks dumb, it sounds dumb, and I feel dumber having it uttered in my presence. "Foodie" is like the web 2.0 version of gourmand or epicure; it's not better than what it replaced, it just has a smug (and incorrect) sense of relevance about it. The other issue is, those three words actually do mean different things.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
dannyboy 9:51 AM
I just had for the first time a "steak egg and cheese bagel" from McDonalds (don't judge me, it was one of those nights). It was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike real steak, egg, cheese, and bagel. I feel like Dave Bowman in the alien zoo.