Thursday, September 29, 2005
dannyboy 11:49 PM
The thing about shellfish, and mussels/oysters in particular, is that there is a sweet spot when it comes to size. Too small, and you're just going to exhaust yourself trying to eat them. Too big, and the sensation of green briny goo bursting in your mouth with each chew becomes unbearably nauseating. This is where filter feeders are unique--there's no other food that becomes unpalatable if it deviates outside of a narrow range of sizes. A gigantic banana is still banana-y delicious.
And tangentially related to that: bananas are funny, gigantic bananas doubly so. Banana. Haha.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
dannyboy 11:33 AM
I've been going through my archives because Blogger is a steaming pile of technology, and has fucked them up such that they are inaccessible unless I go through each and every single post prior to 2004 by hand and fix them. The silver lining to this is, I can collect my favorite posts so far. So here is, in no particular order:
The Best of Fuzzy Squid
Oct 2003-June 2004 edition
- Brian can go to hell.
- Nah I'm kidding, he's alright.
- Happy V Day!
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Nutritional FACT
- Sometimes I have trouble sleeping
- Actually, I have more than two problems.
- Bad luck
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
moxy 9:17 PM
THE SQUID COMETH
I for one welcome our giant squid overlords.
dannyboy 9:45 AM
INSANE RANT, OR, IT'S SUMMERTIME IN SAN FRANCISCO AGAIN:
I fucking HATE mosquitoes. If I ruled the world I would set my scientists to work on developing the technology, not to simply kill—that's too good for those little buzzing blood suckers—but to really make them PAY. We will do whatever it takes to get them to a state of consciousness; evolve them to become self-aware, or maybe through nanotechnology, or sacrificing some chickens to voodoo man, whatever—so that they have the capacity for suffering. And then all the mosquitoes on the planet will be rounded up into concentration camps and tortured out of existence. Each tiny leg pulled, and every compound eye poked, with all their brethren watching in horrible anticipation of their own agony-to-come. And their blood curdling screams (they will be equipped with itty-bitty voice synthesizers) shall ring out like sweet sweet music to our ears. I will be like the mosquito Hitler.
In conclusion, DANIEL FOR SUPREME POTENTATE OF EARTH!
Monday, September 26, 2005
dannyboy 9:47 AM
People, I had a great weekend. I just wanted to balance out the previous two pieces of complaining. I was trying to detox, but I ended up uh... what's the opposite of that? ...having fun.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
dannyboy 10:55 AM
No! It's all wrong! Why does everyone have to like what I like?? The last 4 things I've tried to get tickets to this morning are all sold out! AUGH.
dannyboy 12:41 AM
I just want it noted for the record that I paid $25 tonight for 4 hours of parking. AUUUGH.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Malb 9:25 PM
For some reason everytime I come to your website
I'm expecting to find a boob. Yes, I know it's really
random but I guess it's from all the vulgarity that I get
from reading your blogs. And by the way, I still dream
about your Yamaha. When are you gonna sell me that
antique? All the dust is killing it.
Friday, September 23, 2005
dannyboy 9:16 PM
I take back every bad thing I've ever said about the French.
dannyboy 10:10 AM
I don't know what made me think of this just now, but I got this email from my sister a few years ago, and the message in its entirety was "haha I'm eating your cannolis [sic]".
Thursday, September 22, 2005
dannyboy 10:12 AM
dkuo: I had a dream last night
mng168: me too
dkuo: I dreamed XXXX's husband died of brain cancer
mng168: ohhh you're evil
dkuo: it was a really... nice dream
dkuo: what was your dream about?
mng168: i had a dream i worked at the bunny ranch
mng168: but i didn't get any action
dannyboy 9:23 AM
DREAMS: A few nights ago I dreamed that I couldn't stop eating. I was stuffing everything in sight into my mouth. At the end I was eating raisin bread by the fistful. My parents were worried.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
dannyboy 11:57 AM
A FEW NOTES:
Nova, which has for a long time been a favorite show of mine, is barely hanging on these days. Some new jackass producer took an informative and pleasurable show, and "sexed" it up with high tension music and self-consciously hip (but not quite hip enough to make it onto a cool network that totally has street cred to the Xtreme, like TLC) motion graphics. All of which, no doubt, was driven by focus groups. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Poochie-fication of PBS.
I've been seeing a lot of advertisements for the new Impala, and it boggles my mind how someone decided it would be a good idea to name a car after a herd animal that is often referred to as "the McDonalds of the African plains" because it is preyed upon so widely. Well actually, I guess it does make sense.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
dannyboy 1:08 AM
A LIST OF NON-PHYSICAL STIMULII THAT CAUSE ME REAL, PHYSICAL PAIN
- When people use cliches in their speech, in acronym form ("TMI, brah")
- The wearing of jeans underneath dresses
- The phrase "He's on crack" and/or "What's he smoking, and where can I get some"
- The wearing of open toed shoes that are 2 sizes too small, such that toes are curled over the edge
That new 5-bladed razor oh wait...
- The Unbearable Lightness of Being
- Your mom
Thursday, September 15, 2005
dannyboy 9:46 AM
Oh god. No more drinking on the weekdays.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
dannyboy 7:03 PM
...the horse I rode in on.
Monday, September 12, 2005
dannyboy 12:04 PM
...so turns out Aruba is pretty nice as far as paradises go.
I don't know how you can call it a 'safari' if there are no animals on the desert island
I may have been less entertained if I wasn't doing the driving
My tan is epic.
Some perspective on the whole missing teen thing.
dannyboy 8:33 AM
The Natural Bridge, the most famous landmark in Aruba, which stood for hundreds of thousands of years, collapsed 8 hours before I arrived.
At the old gold mill
Above the natural pool
Sunday, September 11, 2005
dannyboy 3:26 PM
Having spent the last week being blasted with commercials for Sept. 11th specials everytime I turn on the TV, I want to have Jessie's babies. If only she proofread... Happy 9-11!
( vacation pictures coming soon )
( and it occurs to me that maybe we both just have very similar ways of coping )
Thursday, September 01, 2005
dannyboy 7:39 PM
People, I'm headed down to the Caribbean to see if I can't help out with this whole missing teenager mess. Apparently, not even Dutch fighter planes equipped with "LASERS" can find her, but I vow to not rest for up to 5 days and 4 nights, in my efforts to get to the bottom of it. Because judging by the amount of coverage CNN has given to this particular case, the girl must be way more important than all the
unattractive brown other children that have gone missing. Or you know, that little storm that happened a few days ago down south.
See you when I get back! (Unless I get abducted. In which case, tell The Cat I loved her.)
dannyboy 7:29 PM