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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Thursday, September 29, 2005
dannyboy 11:49 PM (0)



The thing about shellfish, and mussels/oysters in particular, is that there is a sweet spot when it comes to size. Too small, and you're just going to exhaust yourself trying to eat them. Too big, and the sensation of green briny goo bursting in your mouth with each chew becomes unbearably nauseating. This is where filter feeders are unique--there's no other food that becomes unpalatable if it deviates outside of a narrow range of sizes. A gigantic banana is still banana-y delicious.

And tangentially related to that: bananas are funny, gigantic bananas doubly so. Banana. Haha.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005
dannyboy 11:33 AM (0)



I've been going through my archives because Blogger is a steaming pile of technology, and has fucked them up such that they are inaccessible unless I go through each and every single post prior to 2004 by hand and fix them. The silver lining to this is, I can collect my favorite posts so far. So here is, in no particular order:

The Best of Fuzzy Squid
Oct 2003-June 2004 edition
  1. Brian can go to hell.
  2. Nah I'm kidding, he's alright.
  3. Happy V Day!
  4. Happy Thanksgiving!
  5. Nutritional FACT
  6. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping
  7. Actually, I have more than two problems.
  8. Bad luck

Tuesday, September 27, 2005
moxy 9:17 PM (2)



Poor guy lost his tentacle. :(


Did you see this article on flying manta rays?


I for one welcome our giant squid overlords.

dannyboy 9:45 AM (0)


I fucking HATE mosquitoes. If I ruled the world I would set my scientists to work on developing the technology, not to simply kill—that's too good for those little buzzing blood suckers—but to really make them PAY. We will do whatever it takes to get them to a state of consciousness; evolve them to become self-aware, or maybe through nanotechnology, or sacrificing some chickens to voodoo man, whatever—so that they have the capacity for suffering. And then all the mosquitoes on the planet will be rounded up into concentration camps and tortured out of existence. Each tiny leg pulled, and every compound eye poked, with all their brethren watching in horrible anticipation of their own agony-to-come. And their blood curdling screams (they will be equipped with itty-bitty voice synthesizers) shall ring out like sweet sweet music to our ears. I will be like the mosquito Hitler.


Monday, September 26, 2005
dannyboy 9:47 AM (2)



fun...withouth alcohol? How... does that work...?


beats me.


People, I had a great weekend. I just wanted to balance out the previous two pieces of complaining. I was trying to detox, but I ended up uh... what's the opposite of that? ...having fun.

Sunday, September 25, 2005
dannyboy 10:55 AM (2)



:( Is it all Ticketmaster's fault?


It's somebody's fault. Possibly mine, for not thinking of it sooner.


No! It's all wrong! Why does everyone have to like what I like?? The last 4 things I've tried to get tickets to this morning are all sold out! AUGH.

dannyboy 12:41 AM (2)


Not bad, by NYC standards. But yeah it's like $10 here or at most $20 for an event.

Hey, this comment thing doesn't show the post, so I lose the context of what I'm writing about. I'll chalk that one up to a good social barrier that filters against people with short term memory loss.


You can totally show the original post... you just have to click the link on the left that says "show original post". I can't figure out why Blogger would set that to off by default, those sick fucks.


I just want it noted for the record that I paid $25 tonight for 4 hours of parking. AUUUGH.

Saturday, September 24, 2005
Malb 9:25 PM (1)



What's wrong with boobs?


For some reason everytime I come to your website I'm expecting to find a boob. Yes, I know it's really random but I guess it's from all the vulgarity that I get from reading your blogs. And by the way, I still dream about your Yamaha. When are you gonna sell me that antique? All the dust is killing it.

Friday, September 23, 2005
dannyboy 9:16 PM (1)



Oh man, she is gorgeous.


I take back every bad thing I've ever said about the French.

dannyboy 10:10 AM (0)


I don't know what made me think of this just now, but I got this email from my sister a few years ago, and the message in its entirety was "haha I'm eating your cannolis [sic]".

Thursday, September 22, 2005
dannyboy 10:12 AM (0)



dkuo: I had a dream last night
mng168: me too
dkuo: I dreamed XXXX's husband died of brain cancer
mng168: ohhh you're evil
dkuo: it was a really... nice dream
mng168: evil
dkuo: what was your dream about?
mng168: i had a dream i worked at the bunny ranch
mng168: but i didn't get any action
dkuo: aw

dannyboy 9:23 AM (0)


DREAMS: A few nights ago I dreamed that I couldn't stop eating. I was stuffing everything in sight into my mouth. At the end I was eating raisin bread by the fistful. My parents were worried.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005
dannyboy 11:57 AM (0)



Nova, which has for a long time been a favorite show of mine, is barely hanging on these days. Some new jackass producer took an informative and pleasurable show, and "sexed" it up with high tension music and self-consciously hip (but not quite hip enough to make it onto a cool network that totally has street cred to the Xtreme, like TLC) motion graphics. All of which, no doubt, was driven by focus groups. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Poochie-fication of PBS.

I've been seeing a lot of advertisements for the new Impala, and it boggles my mind how someone decided it would be a good idea to name a car after a herd animal that is often referred to as "the McDonalds of the African plains" because it is preyed upon so widely. Well actually, I guess it does make sense.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005
dannyboy 1:08 AM (0)




  1. When people use cliches in their speech, in acronym form ("TMI, brah")
  2. The wearing of jeans underneath dresses
  3. The phrase "He's on crack" and/or "What's he smoking, and where can I get some"
  4. The wearing of open toed shoes that are 2 sizes too small, such that toes are curled over the edge
  5. That new 5-bladed razor oh wait...
  6. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
  7. Your mom

Thursday, September 15, 2005
dannyboy 9:46 AM (0)



Oh god. No more drinking on the weekdays.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
dannyboy 7:03 PM (0)




...the horse I rode in on.

Monday, September 12, 2005
dannyboy 12:04 PM (0)




...so turns out Aruba is pretty nice as far as paradises go.

I don't know how you can call it a 'safari' if there are no animals on the desert island

I may have been less entertained if I wasn't doing the driving

My tan is epic.

Some perspective on the whole missing teen thing.

dannyboy 8:33 AM (0)



The Natural Bridge, the most famous landmark in Aruba, which stood for hundreds of thousands of years, collapsed 8 hours before I arrived.

At the old gold mill

Above the natural pool

Filthy beasts

Sunday, September 11, 2005
dannyboy 3:26 PM (1)



life is like the earth... it never stops spining, and if it did, we would all die eventually, but the sad thing is, is that the spinning in our life is the only thing keeping us alive. End of story.


Having spent the last week being blasted with commercials for Sept. 11th specials everytime I turn on the TV, I want to have Jessie's babies. If only she proofread... Happy 9-11!

( vacation pictures coming soon )

( and it occurs to me that maybe we both just have very similar ways of coping )

Thursday, September 01, 2005
dannyboy 7:39 PM (1)



There better be some pictures when you get back! Especially of your tan! And drinks with little umbrellas in them! :)


People, I'm headed down to the Caribbean to see if I can't help out with this whole missing teenager mess. Apparently, not even Dutch fighter planes equipped with "LASERS" can find her, but I vow to not rest for up to 5 days and 4 nights, in my efforts to get to the bottom of it. Because judging by the amount of coverage CNN has given to this particular case, the girl must be way more important than all the unattractive brown other children that have gone missing. Or you know, that little storm that happened a few days ago down south.

See you when I get back! (Unless I get abducted. In which case, tell The Cat I loved her.)

dannyboy 7:29 PM (0)



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