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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Monday, May 31, 2004
dannyboy 11:13 PM (0)



dkuo: also, wtf is with "clubbing"
crankyuser: i don't like clubbing
dkuo: that's like the keyword that tells me I'm wasting my time
dkuo: the chick at the bank used it
dkuo: and the girl at banana used it
crankyuser: as one of their hobbies?
dkuo: i can only assume so, as they both worked it into our initial fucking conversations
crankyuser: does "tracking internet and technology culture" not turn them on?
crankyuser: i work in video games and quickly weed out the normal people
dkuo: but wtf, i don't say things like, "and THEN I looked up her Technorati profile *laughSNORT!*"
dkuo: in my INITIAL conversation with a chick
crankyuser: what's up with that
crankyuser: clubbing is somehow ok to talk about, but technorati isn't?
crankyuser: i guess it's just not socially acceptable
crankyuser: anything that requires explanation or thinking
dkuo: but how is that even an acceptable use of the english language?
crankyuser: 'clubbing', you mean?
dkuo: unless you're beating baby seals to death

Friday, May 28, 2004
dannyboy 8:29 AM (0)



Today is the Gotham Equinox. Those in Manhattan, please enjoy it for me.

Wednesday, May 26, 2004
dannyboy 7:58 PM (0)



dkuo: ok! flashlight's ordered. now for the food rations
aingealis: are you doing this for a reason?
aingealis: meaning, did something trigger this sudden mania?
dkuo: i've been planning for the apocalypse since i was 8!
dkuo: the boyscouts call it, "always be prepared"
dkuo: i call it, "FUCK! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!"
aingealis: i hope this isnt how you flirt with the ladies
aingealis: you're in california
aingealis: shouldn't you be more laid back?
dkuo: i am laid back
dkuo: if i weren't I'd be paying for express shipping

Tuesday, May 25, 2004
dannyboy 11:47 PM (0)



My carrot cake falls short, I'm afraid.

Monday, May 24, 2004
dannyboy 11:07 AM (0)



SOLICITATION: Anyone looking to pick up a 12" G4 Powerbook should go here and talk to Jennie, particularly if you're in New York. I'd give her a feedback rating of EXCELENT SELLAR!!!11! A++++++++ WOULD BUY AGAN!!1 W@W LQQK OMGWTFBBQ!! Additionally, anyone looking for a good time this friday night should talk to ME, particularly if you're in San Francisco.

dannyboy 9:12 AM (0)


Last night I dreamed my mother was a ghost and she kept walking towards me, singing what I thought was Chinese opera, but which was actually a theremin playing a low-octave version of the Ave Maria. It was rather disturbing.

I remember the dream well because I kept waking up, at least half a dozen times, to the sound of a mosquito in my ear.

dannyboy 12:51 AM (0)


Complete fucking bullshit: MTA to ban photography in the subway. I mean, really, is there actually anyone who needs this explained to them? Or can I assume we're all intelligent, well-reasoned people here?

Sunday, May 23, 2004
dannyboy 12:42 PM (0)




Jessie gave me a ring, and I like it very much. It is silver and says "FUCK OFF" You can buy her jewelry here. Eventually.

dannyboy 3:44 AM (0)



filthy rollerskating hipsters

in the rink of glory

Wednesday, May 19, 2004
dannyboy 10:23 AM (0)




The above photos illustrate why one shouldn't park one's Mini Cooper right next to a railroad crossing. The fantastic part of it was that the boob had to have pulled in while the gate was down, gotten out, looked at the 4 inches of clearance between his roof and the counterweight and said "seems good to me!" AND THEN left while the gate was still down. Keep in mind these gates are only down for about 90 seconds, and an alarm bell louder than the hounds of hell is ringing all the while.

Actually, wait, the most fantastic part was the *CRUNCH* sound his roof made, followed closely by how far down the car was being pushed (unfortunately, not too evident in the photos).

We thought for a second the car might belong to a woman in our office, so we called her outside. She looked and said "Oh my god... that's not my car." Good time was had by all.

dannyboy 10:10 AM (0)


If you throw trash out your car window whilst driving on the freeway, you are not a good person, and will likely never be. Simple as that.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004
dannyboy 5:40 PM (0)



Well, that takes care of that. One of the VPs walked by today and said Jedi Knight sucks and told me to hurry up and get Quake so he can kick my ass. And I says, well maybe you should unblock my internet bish, And then he say oh no u didiiin't and i says hows am i suppose to get my frag on dawwwg whens IT be all up in my grille with the restrict-eration of my P2P, ya herd?

Ok, I don't know why I just wrote that. Well, boring story short, content filter is now off again. Porn for all!

Monday, May 17, 2004
dannyboy 2:13 PM (0)




dannyboy 11:20 AM (0)


The idea of getting a tattoo still lingers in my head, because this is still the only thing I would want to get tattooed on me, so far. I heard about the project some time ago, but dismissed it then because I was unsure what I thought of her as a writer. I may need to pick up her book soon.

Sunday, May 16, 2004
dannyboy 10:59 AM (0)



'I've never had good sex with a vegetarian.'

Saturday, May 15, 2004
dannyboy 12:40 AM (0)



I just spilled all my beer on the table.

Thursday, May 13, 2004
dannyboy 10:29 AM (0)



Another note about this censorship issue—I said to someone last night that I wouldn't want to work in a place that censored the internet, and she countered with "well, a lot of companies are doing that." Yes. They are, and I'm disinclined to work for them. My job is creative; you can't tell me to be creative while at the same time telling me I have to regulate what I say and think (and in this case, what is appropriate to look at on the web). It's not about looking at porn at work, it's about being in an environment that is oppressive to the creative process. It is a sign of a company that treats its workers with suspicion and contempt.

Ultimately, even the porn justification is a straw man; no one actually wants to look at porn at work, and certainly not with the goal of wanking off. It's really about someone in the high office with a Mr. Burns complex ("look at those Layabouts!"). I always cite Google as an example of a company who gets it—that it's not necessary to be 'corporate' in order to be respected, you don't have to chase profitability to be insanely profitable, and the workplace doesn't need to be sucked dry of fun in order to be productive. Google is a company whose employees don't ever want to leave, and who Google doesn't ever want to let go.

And then it dawns on me. The most sucessful companies, the ones that are the leaders, they attract the absolute best and brightest and don't have to deal with these problems. It's entrely circular.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004
dannyboy 8:47 PM (0)




BEER REVIEWS: Samuel Adams Chocolate Bock
From Samuel Adams, brewer of my favorite all-around beer (Boston Lager), comes a limited-edition bock beer flavored with chocolate. Is this a good idea? And at $15 per wine-sized bottle? Especially since in contrast to their double bock, and their somewhat misleadingly-named triple bock, this brew is a lightweight at only 5.6%. It is malty and smooth with a dark ruby red color and yes, chocolately. But not like candy, and not like cake, and much more substantial than the usual "stick some Bailey's in hot coca." As an independent observer offered, "mmm, this is really good!" And then we had sex. Would purchase again.

Enjoy this one-off with strawberries, honey, and someone you want to lay down by the fire.

dannyboy 4:21 PM (0)


Ok, the thing about censorship is, it doesn't work. My company just implemented a content filter for employee access to the internet, which ethically I don't have a problem with--it's their resource and they can dole it out as they see fit. But viewing it entirely from a cost-benefit perspective, it is a complete failure, as it always is, everywhere. No exceptions.

1. There's no better way to tell your employees you don't trust or value them than hiring a nanny, electronic or not.

2. On the infrequent days that the internet was down, pre-filter, productivity plummeted. People need their e-mail and CNN to function. Consider the lessons learned when "forward thinking" managers installed coffee machines and stocked the kitchen with free candy and snacks.

3. Content filtering doesn't work. Anyone who tells you it does, doesn't understand software, computers, or the internet. All the instances of "access to this page has been blocked" are for completely inoffensive, innocuous, libel-proof URLs (uhm, the craiglist automotive forum? wtf). On the other hand, I would bet that I could download 100 MBs of German sheisse porn in the next hour with happy approval of my new filtering overlords.

But I'm also certain this nonsense will be quickly taken care of, as soon as one of the executives can't reach their baby's photo album because one of the images is named "naked_kid.jpg"

Tuesday, May 11, 2004
moxy 4:39 PM (0)



Are you a Jeopardy junkie like me? You should tune in this week for Power Players in Washington DC, where headliners like Tucker Carlson, Bob Woodard, Al Franken, Ari Fleischer try to show off their intellectual muscle - it's an impressive lineup.

I'm curious to see who among these politicians, jounalists, and writers actually knows their stuff... my money is on Al Franken and Anderson Cooper.

dannyboy 3:31 PM (0)


Who you gonna call?! So awesome, I want to crap my pants. And it's not ninjas!

dannyboy 2:57 PM (0)



BEER REVIEWS: Pabst Blue Ribbon
PBR is what I drank in college. PBR thinks it is time to take this party downstairs. PBR is slightly yellow and tastes like fizzy water. But most importantly, PBR is $8.99 for a case of 18. PBR has now been written up in the WaPo and so will gain irrelevance--as soon as my corner bar stops carrying it on tap. PBR is the king of the 'sub-premium' beers, and would still be, even if all the dirty hipsters stopped drinking it. PBR is best drunk from the aluminum cans. Do not taunt PBR.

PBR is best enjoyed by the case with mascara, leg warmers, and that guy from the neighborhood named Phil.

Monday, May 10, 2004
dannyboy 7:21 PM (0)




BEER REVIEWS: Bornem Tripel
Belgian. 'Triple' refers to 3x the amount of malt that is typically used, yielding a high (9%) alcohol content. Pale yeasty yellow, big head. Pleasant light herbal aroma, but sharp and acidic hit as soon as it reaches your mouth. Almost champagne like. Fitting, as it supposedly ages as wine does. This is a 'living' beer, which means it undergoes a second fermentation in the bottle. Dry and hoppy finish. Mostly pleasant but I wouldn't seek it out.

Quite good with sharp cheddar, smoked almonds, and the chantings of a dozen or so Trappist monks.

Sunday, May 09, 2004
dannyboy 10:49 AM (0)



Everyone's been linking it, but I will too: the age project. It's like hotornot, but instead of painted up U of Florida chicks trying to raise their self-esteem, you get normal people whose age you have to guess. Very tricky--I just told a 21 yr old that she looks like she's 32. Oops.

Thursday, May 06, 2004
dannyboy 2:57 PM (0)



TOMORROW: Down With Pants!

Wednesday, May 05, 2004
dannyboy 11:08 AM (0)




"Mah spoon is too big!"
"I'm a banana!"

I just ordered the Rejected DVD: "In the spring of 1999, the Family Learning Channel commissioned animator Don Hertzfeldt to produce promotional segments for their network. The cartoons were completed in five weeks. The Family Learning Channel rejected all of them upon review, and they were never aired..."

Tuesday, May 04, 2004
moxy 9:58 PM (0)



Giant squid sighting at the New York Times: Giant Squid, Tall Tales and Truth.

I for one prefer to believe that 2000 foot giant squid live in the dark depths of the ocean, gliding along for dozens of years - it helps me sleep better at night.

dannyboy 3:12 PM (0)



I'm getting old; booze makes me want to nap.

Thinking about monkeys makes Joe happy.

I'm not sure who this is. A prostitute, maybe.

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