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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Saturday, January 31, 2004
dannyboy 10:13 PM (0)



Lori says my new haircut makes me look like Tintin, and that makes me happy.

Friday, January 30, 2004
dannyboy 11:03 PM (0)



No, I didn't miss the exploding sperm whale from yesterday, but... it just seemed too easy.

dannyboy 2:30 PM (0)


I'm in a bad mood this afternoon because every political questionnaire I take says I should be voting for Kucinich. Arrgh.

dannyboy 11:12 AM (0)


I earned a BFA in Communication Design from a top 5 design school in a top 25 university. I studied color theory for a year under a master painter. But I'm sure you know better, you who did not go to business school, who does not have an MBA or any applicable degree, who did not pass go, who did not collect $200. I will make it red, because you say so. Oh what's that? Another person left the company this week for a better job? How about that. What's funny is that I swear I've written this EXACT SAME THING THREE MONTHS AGO.

Thursday, January 29, 2004
dannyboy 3:40 PM (0)



Those who know me know that I've had something of a nagging obsession with driving, and road tripping. You might even say that I moved to California just so I could drive more (the 5000 miles from coast-to-coast, and the daily drives since). You might say it, but I won't, because certain women I know would be mad at me. Anyhoo, California Driving: A Survival Guide is a curiously involving guide for non-natives, written by a Briton—and thus includes several pages on how and why Californians pronounce everything completely and totally wrong.

dannyboy 9:46 AM (0)


Scientists Invent 6th Form Of Matter; World Collectively Mutters "I Didn't Know There Were More Than Three."
[ first link goes to an executive summary, in-depth article here ]

Huh. Erhm? Another one? Wake me up when robot wives are cheap and effective. (It's hard to get excited about new states of matter that only exist at a fraction of a degree above absolute zero, but you know, whatever. Nobel prizes for all!)

Wednesday, January 28, 2004
dannyboy 3:27 PM (0)



PONTIFICATION: I am not an open-minded person, and neither are you—the difference between the two of us is that I can admit it. Everyone says they are open-minded, just as 95% of the population thinks they are above average. I am not open-minded, and I don't think it's even desirable to be so. I have spent a very long time forming my opinions and I have very good reasons for believing what I do. You can change my mind—but only if you present compelling arguments. Which you should be able to do, if you have anything you feel is worth believing in. Obviously, I'm convinced I'm right, and I have abundant evidence of this. But I'm entirely willing to accept that you're more right, if you can prove it.

In conclusion, make me sit through one more episode of Sex in the City, chortle one more time along with Sarah Jessica at the expense of Brooklyn (a place you've not been within 500 miles of) and I will pray to my gods that you will quickly suffer the burning consequences that 5 season's worth of New York promiscuity would in reality bring.

Monday, January 26, 2004
dannyboy 2:08 PM (0)



Something I said in a dream: "HEY!! Those are MY pants! Let go of my pants!!"

Sunday, January 25, 2004
dannyboy 5:07 PM (0)




dannyboy 1:28 AM (0)


Tonight TGFKAHR behaved really badly. And not in a cute, or forgivable way. I would describe it as not unlike the way a small child would fume and demand appeasement. I would use the word "ugly."

Friday, January 23, 2004
dannyboy 1:13 PM (0)



Physical Theories As Women

dannyboy 12:13 PM (0)



The above is a map of states where I could happily live (blue) vs. states where I might be lynched for not having an opinion on the great Ford vs. Chevy debate (red). Oh wait, no, it's a map of current electoral projections. Oh wait no, it's an argument for why the electoral college is completely and totally stupid (electoral math R:391/D:147 vs. popular votes R:55%/D:44%).

Wednesday, January 21, 2004
dannyboy 1:34 PM (0)




crankyuser: xxx xxxxxx xxxx xx xxxxx xxx xx xxxxx xxxx xxx xxxx
dkuo: xx xxx'x xx xxxxxx?
crankyuser: xxxxx
dkuo: omfg
dkuo: you asked her out by EMAIL?!
crankyuser: hey at least i knew her in person
dkuo: god have you learned NOTHING?!
crankyuser: x xxxxx xxx xxxxx x'x xxx xxxxxxxx xxxxx xxxx'x
dkuo: you asked her out by EMAIL!?
crankyuser: did you actually retype that, or just paste and swap the ? and !


dkuo: so now, I was having a conversation with the roommates and they were all aghast when I said I would break up with a girl based on a book she owned
dkuo: that's not unreasonable, and I don't care if they think so
dkuo: I mean, you have to have standards
dkuo: —dealbreakers
crankyuser: after a while your life turns into a seinfeld episode
crankyuser: did i tell you about the belching gymnast?
dkuo: go on
crankyuser: i meet this girl at a bar, leave my number, and leave. she calls me a couple days later, we go out, get food, walk around one of the local colleges
crankyuser: periodically she'll just burp every few minutes
crankyuser: like a deep belly burp
crankyuser: no covering her mouth, excusing herself, or whatever
dkuo: ew
crankyuser: we pass some guards, she acts surprised by a burp and excuses herself
crankyuser: i can hear it on seinfeld, "she's a burping gymnast, jerry!"
crankyuser: hung out another time and then i gave up
crankyuser: it was just too gross
dkuo: she did it on the second date too?
crankyuser: one time we were talking on the phone and she burped. i said, "excuse me?," and she said "oh nothing"
dkuo: that's bizzare
crankyuser: I KNOW
dkuo: wait, but was she HOT
dkuo: did she have a gymnast's physique?
crankyuser: she was decent, but not super hot
dkuo: yeah, you would've stuck it out if she was
crankyuser: of course. there's always a threshold where you're willing to put up with shit
crankyuser: like this girl xxxxx i just cut off yesterday
dkuo: oh?
crankyuser: really cool conversation when she's not turning it to herself. very sharp wit. but while i might be ok with flaky ladyfriends, i don't have time for flaky friends
dkuo: indeed
crankyuser: "do you want to have sex? no? ok bye"
dkuo: that should've been what you said to her, but it's not, is it?
crankyuser: no, that is in fact what i said to her last night
dkuo: oh good
crankyuser: i got bonus points because she was talking about details and her boss walked in on her
crankyuser: xxxxxxxx
crankyuser: xx xxx x xxxx xxxxx xxxx xxx
dkuo: ?
crankyuser: i called her at work because it's the only time i can really get a hold of her. xxxxx xxxx xxxx xx xxxx xxxx xx xxx xxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxxxx xx xxxx xxx. xxxx xxxxxx xxx xxx xx xxxxxx
dkuo: xxx xxxx xxxxxx xx xxx.
crankyuser: it was late in the day and she assumed everyone else had left
crankyuser: but right after some crap about "not being interested sexually" i hear her say "oh hey, i thought everyone else had left"
crankyuser: and after that person went away she was a little embarassed
dkuo: haha
crankyuser: i KNOW
crankyuser: it was awesome
dkuo: good work
crankyuser: thanks

dannyboy 10:54 AM (0)


Sorry, you don't get to have an opinion on politics if your answer to "did you watch the State of the Union last night," is "PFFT." Also, politics and the workplace don't mix, because you can't break a beer bottle on your co-worker's head when you disagree.

Tuesday, January 20, 2004
dannyboy 12:09 PM (0)



Just because I've been too busy to redirect your gratuitous hotlinking of my copyrighted material to goatse tubgirl, doesn't mean I haven't noticed you stealing my bandwidth. My hate for all things Xanga and LJ are only compounded by the willful encouragement they give their users to steal resources and IP from people who bothered to learn HTML and who pay for hosting. My anger is simmering, and it's about to erupt like hot marinara all over your kitchen, SO STOP HOTLINKING MY IMAGES FOR YOUR WEBSITE BACKGROUND YOU JERKMITTEN!

dannyboy 10:01 AM (0)


Finalists from DWR's Champagne Chair contest (build a chair from no more than 2 bottle's worth of wire and cork). On display this week in the SF studio.

Sunday, January 18, 2004
dannyboy 11:08 AM (0)




Finally acting my demographic.

Friday, January 16, 2004
dannyboy 1:43 PM (0)



Everyday, the news becomes more and more like an Onion article: AREA WOMAN EATS BRAAAAINS! AND LIKES IT

dannyboy 9:50 AM (0)


Last night I dreamt about Christmas music, a double-headed shower, and a bathtub so deep that I needed a stepstool to get in.

Thursday, January 15, 2004
dannyboy 6:07 PM (0)



Instead of satiating the gods, many of these "scientists" have tried to control El Niño with "science". They put up expensive fish-attracting bueys that run on flashlight batteries. Imagine, fighting the power of the gods with flashlight batteries! Needless to say, this didn't work and everyone died.

From Coming in like El Niño!, a school essay.

Malb 11:41 AM (0)


I shall call him mini-me. Which one should I get? Green apple?

Wednesday, January 14, 2004
dannyboy 2:13 PM (0)



There's a fine line between "stop thinking so much" and "I don't really understand what you're saying, so I'll be flippant." Perhaps one shouldn't be passing judgments of overanalysis if one finds it unpleasant to think about things for more than a few seconds at a time.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004
dannyboy 9:36 PM (0)




"These are truly quite 'fuzzy' squids!" -Wendy

dannyboy 10:55 AM (0)


What is funny, is that you have an accident, which is terrible, but then you have the indignity of being molested by your insurance company—no one has a higher premium than me, and I'm willing to put money on that. Those slippery bastards will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Monday, January 12, 2004
dannyboy 11:27 AM (0)



Woo. Ask A Linguist.

Saturday, January 10, 2004
dannyboy 12:21 PM (0)



I suppose some explanations are in order. To answer your questions: Well, it's not so much "car" as it is "immovable weight," but yes, it's mine. And she's pretty much done. Yes, I was in the car at the time. Leilani (my hula girl) is fine. And I am alive, just sore.

Friday, January 09, 2004
dannyboy 7:17 PM (0)




Thursday, January 08, 2004
dannyboy 8:56 PM (0)



Tonight would be a really good night for you to decide to be my friend.

Wednesday, January 07, 2004
dannyboy 10:36 PM (0)



"This lady was so old, in a wheelchair and she could barely move. I think she had a stroke or something. Ha ha ha. Every time she started to speak her face would turn red and I thought she was going to croak!" Saith the GFKAHR, laughing uncontrollably. A woman more evil, I know not.

Monday, January 05, 2004
dannyboy 3:05 PM (0)



"I will rock the loving, motherfucking hell out of you."
- The Late Wesley Willis

Friday, January 02, 2004
dannyboy 11:30 AM (0)



Brian Greene had an interesting article in the Grey Lady yesterday, apropos to the new year: "In a very specific way, then, this realization shatters our comfortable sense that the past is gone, the future is yet to be and the present is what truly exists." He refers to the nature of time as we perceive it in our daily lives, the common-sense Newtonian framework, versus the quantum model which, well, fucks shit up. "Time and space themselves, though, would be rendered secondary, derivative features, that emerge only in suitable conditions... As outrageous as it sounds, to many researchers, including me, such a departure of time and space from the ultimate laws of the universe seems inevitable." And while he describes the physical nature of time, Oliver Sacks describes the physiological experience of time: "But is the time we live in, or live by, continuous... or is it more comparable to a chain or a train, a succession of discrete moments, like beads on a string?"

Thursday, January 01, 2004
dannyboy 12:01 PM (0)



Last night I saw my two friends, Joe and Joe, kiss. Twice. I would've gotten pictures too, if it weren't for those meddling "bisexual" girls we were with. But oddly, the girls encouraged me to take photos when they made out for two minutes. Which I declined, because ever since Madonna and Britney, hot girl-on-girl tongue action is so ick.

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