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As with a low sucking sound it slowly disappeared again, Starbuck still gazing at the agitated waters where it had sunk, with a wild voice exclaimed—“Almost rather I had seen Moby Dick and fought him, than to have seen thee, thou white ghost!”
      “What was it, Sir?” said Flask.
      “The great live squid, which, they say, few whale-ships ever beheld and returned to their ports to tell of it.”

Moby-Dick, 1851


3-17-09  No one reads this column
Guys, FURL sucks. It has sucked for years, and I'm sorry I've been using it. I have switched over to delicious; I would have done this much sooner, but they made it really difficult the last time I tried.

4-21-08  Archives
Uhmm, apparently archives haven't really been working since late 2006. THANX for the heads up guys! They are temporarily fixed, and will stay temporarily fixed until I migrate to new software/layout. I have said some hilarious things in the last 7 years, that future generations will feel lucky I preserved. Go check them out.

1-18-08  new iPhone icon
Woah, it's been 3 years since the last news update! Fuzzysquid now has a webclips icon for your iPhone! It'll automagically show up when you add FS to your home screen. Atom and RSS feeds have been available for a few years now, but I never made special mention of it.

1-14-05  LJ images
Since it seems to be popular, and it's been linked in a lot of different places besides here, I've decided to post the LJ Images page. At least in the news, at least for now. It's also getting some Google ads because you LiveJournal people are sucking up all my bandwidth (35% for that one page!)

4-02-04  FURL
Check out what I've been browsing: FURL.net bookmark archive. Not much commentary, relevance, or sequitur—but it's what's keeping this blog from turning into a meme dumpster.



  1. TONMO - The Octopus News Magazine Online. Invaluable.
  2. Angrywhale - Meet Leonard. He's an angry sort of whale.
  3. The Squid Blog - From the Laughing Squid people.


  4. Moxyberry - Where the cousin is at. Her bookmarks here.
  5. Cranky User - Brian's bookmarks. Updated, unlike his site.
  6. Rosenstock - Her other ride is your mom.
  7. Lauren - Wet Hot Singaporean Blogging.
  8. Universal Donor - Like the prime number shitting bear, but with terrible back pain.
  9. Olivia - Who receives special dispensation from our usual policies.
BLAG  read the archive

Sunday, November 30, 2003
moxy 10:35 PM (0)



World AIDS Day: "Live and let live." - UNAIDS

Wednesday, November 26, 2003
dannyboy 11:51 AM (0)



I'm going to be in New York Dec. 24-29th. Let me know if you'll be in town. We'll have fun, I promise.

Monday, November 24, 2003
dannyboy 9:46 AM (0)



I spent $200 at the grocery store last night. Half of it was booze. They had a sale. I don't know what my problem is. Ok, I have an idea, what my problem is. They had bottles of Dom '97 on sale. I resisted.

Friday, November 21, 2003
dannyboy 6:21 PM (0)



I've been somewhat resigned to my belief (hope? fear? idle, unrealistic speculation?) that I'm going to die, possibly before I turn 30. I have some self-destructive compulsions, but so far they've only manifested themselves as driving aggressively, and making girls cry (which will surely turn into a non-trivial threat to my health, one of these days).

When I was younger, I had two pet birds that my mom liked to leave outside--in their cages. So they could get "fresh air." Clearly, she didn't understand the point of imprisoning small animals for amusement, but I digress. She forgot to take them in one night, and a stay cat got to them. They both eventually died from their wounds. I was upset, but more curious than anything else. I asked my older sister what was a very academic (and not emotional) question--what happens to animals when they die? She told me they go straight to hell and laughed. I wasn't amused, so she gave me the serious, Judeo-Christian answer (as she was and is very much a Christian): animals don't have souls, so they don't go anywhere. Do not pass go, do not collect $200--they just cease to be. Earthworm to monkey, they just die. Everyone, except us. This of course, directly conflicted with my ideas of God as a loving creator (why would he make these pointless creatures), and my precocious, scholar-like understanding of biblical dogma (the bible often uses animals as metaphors, illustrations, object lessons--and even mentions them, possibly figuratively, as companions in heaven).

Fast forward a decade or so--and I don't know if I believe in an immortal soul anymore, but the idea of non-existence as an end to mortal life upsets me greatly. Which is at odds with my desire to destroy myself in a spectacular way, possibly involving a stolen Ferrari.

What is life? Is being really all that different from not-being, anyhow?

Thursday, November 20, 2003
Malb 7:11 PM (0)



there's nothing fuzzy wuzzy about this page.

moxy 5:24 PM (0)


"The sun is greatly overrated."

He has clearly forgotten the importance of the sun. For a refresher, here it is, elegantly sung by They Might Be Giants: The sun is a mass of incandecent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace where hydrogen is turned into helium at a temperature of millions of degrees. The sun is hot, the sun is not a place where we could live. But here on Earth, there'd be no life without the light it gives.

dannyboy 4:00 PM (0)


SciAm has published a list of holiday gifts for that special nerd in your life (ME!). As much as I hate what is essentially forced expressions of love through rampant consumerism (why must you make the baby Jesus cry?), these little anthropomorphized microbes are just plain awesome. And by awesome I mean, totally sweet.

dannyboy 3:19 PM (0)


I just want to eat my waffle in peace.

dannyboy 12:51 PM (0)


People who say things like, "well, at least you've got your health," can all go to hell. With broken arms. It's true that there's always going to be someone in a worse situation than you, and with a nagging cough on top of it, but who bloody hell cares? Like someone else's pain and suffering should magically turn my pile of doodoo into roses and cotton candy. And yet these are the same people that are horrified when I laugh at the physical misfortune of others! (Come now, people falling down stairs is the basis of all humor as we know it--the Egyptians knew it; the Carthinigans knew it; the late John Ritter was a modern master) At best your troubles are good for a laugh, but don't think for a minute that just because your legs were bitten off by a shark & your dog was killed when a piano fell on him, you can point to my relative wellbeing and have the answers to all my problems. We may all be in this mess together, but I'm having a pity party for myself and none of you know-it-all's are invited.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003
dannyboy 3:35 PM (0)



8 finalists for the WTC memorial. I'm neutral about the first three. The rest make me not want to ever be there again. Things not to do: make me feel like I'm in a cemetary/morgue; make me feel like I'm in a Calvin Klein commercial from 1991; make me feel like I'm in any number of mid-town lobbies. I don't think it's appropriate to build anything there, for many years--until we really learn something from what happened. Every memorial talked about so far has been a premature grasp at understanding.

And as someone else pointed out, the last word on this goes to Rem Koolhaas:

“A competition for rebuilding Ground Zero is held, not to restore the city's vitality or shift its center of gravity, but to create a monument at a scale that monuments have never existed (except under Stalin)...

“Instead of the two towers - the sublime - the city will live with five towers, wounded by a single scything movement of the architect, surrounding two black holes. New York will be marked by a massive representation of hurt that projects only the overbearing self-pity of the powerful. Instead of the confident beginning of the next chapter, it captures the stumped fundamentalism of the superpower. Call it closure.”

dannyboy 1:57 PM (0)


You know what's funny? I've been working on a project for a large consumer electronics company, staying late all last week and coming in on the weekend, to finish it under deadline. We just got word today that it's all wrong. We were sent the wrong information, source video--it's just completely and totally wrong. They don't even sell that product in the United States (which of course, I noted to my superiors when I started on it).

The best part is that they claim total responsibility, but we're still going to try and make something for them. My month of overtime is only getting longer...

Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Malb 8:57 PM (0)




We went to Tim's new restaurant Ginger and Spice. Tried the garlic braised prime rib. It was highly recommended. Oh yes, it was good, even the fat tasted good. Nice and crispy!

dannyboy 7:05 PM (0)


For the last two weeks, around 8 in the evening, I leave someplace and drive 25 minutes home. For some strange reason, right around that same time, I usually feel like someone has just taken a hot, steaming poo on my chest. Odd, isn't it?

Monday, November 17, 2003
dannyboy 5:36 PM (0)




Can you hear me now? "RAAAAARRR!" [ from b3ta ]

dannyboy 4:53 PM (0)


Speaking of dot-com. Did I ever tell you about the job I almost got right out of college, with a web company, because the creative director had the same 42" stuffed giant squid that I did? I say almost, because they realized after making me an offer, that they didn't really have the money to be making me an offer. This is why I have little-to-no pity for a certain someone that used to make 6-figures during the salad days, but has been working retail for the past few years. This is also why I like to key all the M3's I see in the street. Food out of my mouth, jerkwad.

dannyboy 4:14 PM (0)


Blog blog, blog, Malkovitch. Enough talking about this nonsense. (My promise of punching anyone I meet who uses the word "blogsphere," or any similarly dorky, made-up word, stands.) Instead I'll bitch about [something]. Hm. Wait. I'm hesitant to crank it up to 11 on this website (yes Virginia, what I've written in the past was restraint)... perhaps I'll use my free hosting to make a new, anonymous site that will feature All Slander, All The Time. But for now, my options dangle in front of me like a dot-com carrot circa 1998, so I'm putting the "can-do" attitude back on. Er. Well, "grudgingly can-do."

dannyboy 3:08 PM (0)


UPDATE #2: Seems others have noticed this as well, and have confirmed the porn-masquerading-as-blog theory. I've de-linked those sites, because I don't want the squid appearing in their referrer logs/contributing to their PageRank.

dannyboy 1:00 PM (0)


So I've noticed that I've been getting a few referrer hits (as opposed to reefer hits, hyuk!) from very random sites--custom domains, and not the usual blogspot, etc., linking. As far as I can tell they're all RSS rips from actual, real blogs... but why? Someone (or someone's bot) went through the trouble of copying a site's layout, down to the graphics, fill it with a RSS feed, change the all the titles... but DIDN'T strip out all the evidence from the html. AND they're linking ME? Eh?

Here, see what I mean:
Big Blog vs. teoras.com
Brian's Education Blog vs. akkssess.com
??? vs. kwlablog.com
??? vs. A-B-L-O-G.COM
??? vs. bongohome.com
??? vs. saulem.com
??? vs. Mike's Spot.com

UPDATE: all the websites are through blog-city.com, and have an "adult-webcam.gif" linked at the very end, which I'm not seeing in-browser. Which makes me think this is the beta stages of someone's porn scam.

Friday, November 14, 2003
dannyboy 2:47 PM (0)



Do you need a web host? 500 MB storage, 5GB traffic, free for 3 years. Uhm. Too good to be true? All reports indicate this is kosher, and I've signed up, but I'm not dumping my normal host just yet.

dannyboy 9:29 AM (0)


Last night as I was falling asleep I thought of something brilliant, witty, and funny that I wanted to post, but I've forgotten it now. This happens about 5 times every night, as I haven't been able to sleep well for the last 2 months or so. Or wait, it's been more like the last 10 years or so. And... it probably wasn't that funny.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003
dannyboy 7:30 PM (0)



Bready pizza is not fit for consumption. For some reason, everyone west of Jersey City is incapable of making good pizza, and so deign to call their 2" thick slabs of dough “Chicago style” or somesuch, to try and convince us that, really, someone out there actually wanted their pizza to come out looking like a wheel from a ‘87 Honda Civic. Possibly worse, is “California style” pizza, which is just an out and out identity crisis dressed as food. At least Chicago makes sense, being eaten from the thick hands of meaty mid-westerners. Food here in California is all kinds of messed up, and my friends don't understand why I'm constantly scowling around lunchtime. Well listen up you jerks, it's because I grew up in Staten Island where they fed us pizza and knishes (alternately) in elementary school--so when California tries to feed me “pizza” with avocado (everything here comes with avocado), goddamnit, someone's going to hear about it. Uhm. You. Because no one here cares. Poop-headed sprout eaters.

dannyboy 4:07 PM (0)


Tee shirt idea #24: “Hi, my name is Sallie, with an ‘IE’, and this is my boyfriend, Gregg, with extra consonants. We enjoy making other people's lives more difficult.”

Tuesday, November 11, 2003
dannyboy 4:14 PM (0)



You know what I hate? A lot of things. But today: people who ask you to spell something, only to seek out a second opinion after you've gone through the labor* of reciting each and every letter. I know high-school French, mofo! Hors d'oeuvres!!

*And I always feel so awkward, spelling words out. It demeans us both. Really, just get a dictionary.

dannyboy 9:55 AM (0)


I just took a look at my archives page. Two things: 1) I'm pretty damn entertaining 2) I've been doing this for way too long.

Saturday, November 08, 2003
dannyboy 12:11 AM (0)



Why do I avoid good things? I was given Krzysztof Kieslowski's color trilogy as a gift half a year ago, and I just watched Rouge. Easily one of the best movies I've ever seen. And I knew it would be. But I've purposefully gone out of my way not to see it. I'm going to not think about the issues behind my blind spots for the moment, and just say that I'm ready to learn French again.

And perhaps meet some angry French women.

Friday, November 07, 2003
dannyboy 10:35 AM (0)



You know how movie theatres have been showing 5-10 minutes of commercials before the film starts? Well, I'm not the only one who's pissed off. Things only ever happen because they can, because people are the little froggies being slowly boiled to death by the bunsen burner of corporate culture. They make us PAY $15 to see commercials, and we fall back. They raise our hopes only to give us Matrix Revolutions, and we fall back. But not again, THE LINE MUST BE DRAWN HERE! THIS FAR, NO FURTHER! ...and I... will make them pay for what they've done...

dannyboy 9:56 AM (0)


Damnit Benny, post better, or I'm taking away your link privileges!

Malb 8:22 AM (0)


Stupid amusing amateur video. Asian ladies suck at driving. hahaha!

Wednesday, November 05, 2003
dannyboy 5:02 PM (0)



I just took another IQ test, claiming to be the most "scientifically accurate" on the web. Meh. I'm not sure you can tell anything in a 40-question quiz taken over the web, but they say the results have been verified against an established test. At any rate, they tell you your score and your "intellectual type." You don't need to give them your real e-mail address, you get your results with or w/o it.

dannyboy 9:51 AM (0)


For me, California politics is turning into a depressing game of roshambo played against a cheating sumvabitch AI. And goddamnit, we don't live in a democracy--why are we letting the uninformed masses make it a crime to be homeless? San Francisco is turning into Palo Alto. Leaders should fucking LEAD us. Unless I didn't vote for you. In which case, go to hell Newsom!

Tuesday, November 04, 2003
Malb 8:08 AM (0)



I attended my juror summons yesterday. Of all the luck, I got picked. It's a conspiracy I tell ya. Dammit!

Monday, November 03, 2003
dannyboy 6:05 PM (0)



I just sent money to the Electronic Frontier Foundation, and you should too. Here's why. I've always supported the EFF in principle, but digital rights issues don't get much more real than when they directly affect the democratic process. Wired article about Diebold.

moxy 2:03 PM (0)


Something you might miss when you leave New York: spontaneous beautiful weather when it shouldn't be beautiful. It was 75 degrees today - November 3rd and it was 75 degrees! I know that it's this beautiful all year-round in some places, but being in New "We have more than just four seasons" York makes you appreciate days like these.

dannyboy 10:53 AM (0)


If you're a woman & my friend, it is your duty now to avoid telling me things that will make me hate your gender. Because I'm on the brink. So no more stories about how you just cheated on your boyfriend, about how you lied to your ex constantly, of all the things you secretly hated him for. And no more laughing because your ex is still in love with you!

Sunday, November 02, 2003
dannyboy 2:04 PM (0)



I miss New York. Not the way it is now, but the way it was when I was a teenager, in high school. I was watching a documentary about the history of the World Trade Center, and I had to turn it off.

Saturday, November 01, 2003
dannyboy 12:09 PM (0)



You know, I seem to remember something happening last night... someone stealing candy from a one legged girl, dressed as little red riding hood. But that must have been a dream, no one would really do that; BECAUSE THAT WOULD JUST BE SICK.

dannyboy 1:01 AM (0)


The guy next to me at the bar was "dressed" as a cokehead. I murmured something about hoping he brought enough for everyone. Maybe he heard us, because when he left, he left a bit on the table...

I'm now keeping my eyes out for after-Halloween sales. As it's my firm belief that no gentleman's wardrobe is complete without a tuxedo and a bear suit.

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